Are you still ok??

Hey there!

So, “R U OK?” day  has come and gone, and with this week, 9th-15th October being Mental Health Week, and today being World Mental Health Day, I thought it appropriate to post my next blog post……

Are you still enquiring, asking, noticing and listening to those around you, that simply may not be ok? It is fantastic that as a collective, we have a day where mental health issues are at the forefront of discussion, society genuinely takes the time to ask those around them if they are ok, and people living with mental health issues feel it is ok to speak up about not being ok; but  what about today? Yesterday? Last week? Or, even tomorrow?

I still ask. It doesn’t even have to be friends that you ask. Just this past weekend, when about to step into my car at the local shopping centre, I noticed a lady standing at the front of her car crying. I asked her; ” r u ok?  Is there something you need, something I can do? At first, she just stared at me, but then smiled and said “No I’m not, I will be, and there’s nothing you can do, but thank you, thank you for asking.” I said my good-bye, left, and hoped she really will be ok. Would I have been able to help her? I’m not sure, but I definitely would’ve tried!

And, if I’m to be openly honest, not always am I ok………I’m just now learning that my feelings are not insignificant compared to others, and it is ok for me to feel whatever it is that I am feeling, be it sad, hurt, lonely, betrayed, let down, or even as happy as a pig in mud; just because a life experience for me may not “appear” to be as big, bad, sad, or significant as others, it is still big, bad, sad, or significant to me. It didn’t matter what the feeling is/was, I would not allow myself to feel it, because you see, my favourite mantra was, and if I’m still being honest, can sometimes still be,  I AM NOT WORTHY!”

For as long as I can recall, I have been a fantastic comparer. I’d compare myself to nearly everyone I came into contact with. I’d pick up on their energy, be it good, bad, or indifferent, and compare my little heart and mind out. I’d put myself down, criticise myself, speak badly about and to myself, and judge myself to the point where I’d strip myself bare of all self-confidence and worth. This is where the mind/ego is a very powerful force……it can make you believe anything, and that’s where mental health issues reside and rear their ugly heads when we are at our most vulnerable.

I’m sure I’ve said it before, but heck, I’ll say it again,  IT IS EASIER TO BE NEGATIVE THAN POSITIVE ONCE DEPRESSION AND/OR ANXIETY SETS IN……..the emotional and mental strength required to lift, sustain, and keep me positive, when any of the above sets in, at best, is down right exhausting!

But, I’m making changes; this is my year to get me right! Or, as right as I’m going to be for now anyway.

I am investing in myself; discovering new things, revisiting old or past hurts, rediscovering things and letting go of whatever no longer serves a positive purpose in my life. Writing, either through my gratitude diary, journaling, or here on my blog,  helps me put things in perspective. Taking time out of my day to journal, or write, really keeps me focused on “the attitude of gratitude”.  Acknowledging the positive things (even if it as little as three) each day, by far overshadows the negative! I also meditate, walk, I use EFT Tapping, I sing, silly made up Katrina original songs to my kids  (they secretly love it 😉), practice yoga and Pilates, I make a conscious effort to only surround myself with positive people, in positive environments, and just recently…..……allow myself to feel through breath. 

Through yoga and meditation I have learned the art of breath. When I am feeling anxiety kick in, I turn to my breath. When depression has set up camp for however long it takes me to move it on, I breathe. Allowing myself to breath through the anxiety, a panic attack or whatever feeling I am experiencing, helps me reconnect to who I am. I reconnect with my mind, my body and spirit/source/universe/God (insert whats applicable for you). It can be hard work, to the point of exhausting,  but I want to be ok, I will be ok.

“I’m not yet where I should be,

But I’m no longer where I was……”

So, keep asking the question; “R U OK?” If you are a sufferer,(and I know from experience, it takes courage) ASK FOR HELP. For me it was a statement to a few trusted people……“I need your help!”, but most importantantly, as a society, we need to keep talking about mental health, be mindful of each other, don’t be so quick to pass judgement……….

Until next time; practice kindness always and, take care of you.

Trene x

 

PS; my favourite breathing techniques are; Nadi Shodhan Pranayama (alternate nostril breathing), and/or Basic Pranayama, if you get a chance, check them out 💜

 

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It really does take a Village…..

Hey there!

Mental illness is a topic that hits me close to home. And with “r u ok?” day just around the corner, like tomorrow, Thursday 8th Sept, I thought it would be appropriate and timely, to take the time to acknowledge a couple of little pains in the butt, that continue to pop up in not only my life, but also in the lives of people I hold near and dear, good old depression and anxiety.

In Australia alone, 45% of people will experience a mental health condition. In any one year, approximately 1 million adults, have depression, with a staggering 2 million suffering anxiety. Even though both conditions are different, it’s not uncommon to experience both at the same time.

So, what is depression? 

This will vary for each sufferer, and can stem from various situations or relationships, but can generally be broken down into four categories; behaviour, feelings, thoughts and physical symptoms, or signs.

  • Not going out and participating in activities that would normally be considered normal, poor concentration, and withdrawing from family and friends, could be considered behavioural signs.
  • Feeling sad, overwhelmed, lacking in confidence and just unhappy most of the time, could be considered feeling signs/symptoms.
  • Negative thought patterns; “I’m a failure”, “it’s all my fault” and my favourite……..”I’m worthless”, followed closely by,”everyone would be better off without me anyway”.
  • Constant fatigue, feeling sick and run down, churning stomach, and difficulty sleeping can be physical signs and symptoms of depression.

The good news is……….THERE IS HELP!

You may feel comfort in talking to a close friend or life partner, because the thought of talking to you GP may sound silly, after all,  you “don’t look sick”.  Chatting with a close friend will definitely help, but your GP is a health professional, and if he/she isn’t equipped or trained in mental health issues, they will (and do) refer you on to someone who is, for confidential and professional treatment.

Some psychological treatments that sufferers may benefit from are;

Cognitive behaviour treatment– a structured treatment that has been identified as one of the most effective treatments for depression. This generally involves working with a trained therapist to identify thought and behavioural patterns that trigger depressive thoughts, or thoughts that are intruding on your mind,  to prolong recovery when experiencing depression.

Behaviour therapy– a major component of cognitive behavioural treatment, but instead of attempting to change the mindset and thought pattern, it’s focus is to encourage rewarding, joyous, and self satisfying activities.

Interpersonal therapy– this form of treatment is structured to focus on problems in personal relationships, and to provide strategies and skills to cope with relationship issues. Identifying the patterns associated with interpersonal therapy, implementing strategies, and focusing on improving relationships, coping with grief, and learning new ways on how to converse with others, are all positive outcomes from this type of treatment.

Mindfulness based cognitive therapy- a therapy that is not for everyone, because it is usually delivered in a group environment. This type of therapy evolves around meditation, and the teachings of focusing on the present, and noticing the thought, feeling, or behaviour associated with the mental illness without trying to change it. Mindfulness based cognitive therapy can also aid in controlling “mind wandering” thoughts about the past or the future, and help avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings. This type of therapy is helpful for preventing depression or anxiety returning, as it encourages the noticing and acknowledgement of the thought or feeling early, allowing warning signs from your body to identify the onset of a depressive or anxiety attack coming on, and can be dealt with quickly and effectively.

These therapies are all designed to help recover from, and prevent the return of, a mental health issue, and should be discussed with a trained professional

Depression and anxiety, like all illnesses, isn’t picky with who it resides with; small children, through to the elderly, men, women, no race, sexuality or religion is immune to either illness. The important thing to remember is, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Surrounding yourself with a support network is vital. Mental illness challenges the person it has embodied as often as it likes, to the point that just getting through the day can sometimes be a struggle within itself. A fantastic support person/network will gradually learn to recognise when something isn’t right, generally before you know it yourself. They are there to talk though any triggers while remaining calm, logical, and most importantly, non-judgemental.

Never advise someone you know, who is suffering from depression or anxiety to, “snap out of it”, or to “get their act together”. Keeping them busy, or trying to encourage them out won’t generally work either (just saying), if anything, those remarks or good intentions could lead to making things worse.

Even a fantastic support person/network needs support. If you are a support person for anyone experiencing a mental health issue, remember to look after you too! Ask for, or accept help when it’s offered. You are playing an extremely important role in managing the issue at hand, and as much as it may not seem like it at times, but your love, support and guidance does not go unnoticed by the sufferer.

From experience, it is big, and very overwhelming when you open up, expose raw emotion, and talk about mental illness, but I, like others, have realised that it really does “take a village”  when supporting each other, and overcoming obstacles that God/the Universe throws our way. Whatever the experiences are we all face and encounter, I believe that we are all here doing the best we can, with what we’ve been given, and we need to support each other on this journey that is life.

To be continued……

Until next time, take care of you………

Trene x

 

PS: It is ok to ask someone who you think might be suffering from a mental health issue, “R U OK?” They just may value the fact that you took the time to notice and ask. Whether you know it or not, it could make a world of difference!

I have drawn on information from Beyond Blue as well as my own personal experiences in writing this piece

 

 

 

 

A reason, a season, a lifetime…..

Hey there!

Relationships……….

I have been pondering relationships a lot lately; I mean there are just so many. There the acquaintance/friendship relationships you make at work, the acquaintances/friendships you make with the parents of your children’s sporting team/s, through your child/children’s schooling, your own sporting interests, or learning environments, friends you make through other friends, your partner in life, your children, parents, siblings, the list is endless when you think about it. There are some people you connect with almost instantly, others you have to put a lot of effort into, and some where straight up, off the bat, your whole being is telling you not to of there! Some of these acquaintances/friendships dwindle off, never begin, or sadly, even end, while others last a life time.

In my quest for knowledge, and while reading “Miracles Now” by Gabrielle Bernstein, I came across a fantastic way of looking at all relationships in general. Well, I have found it to be fantastic, and a huge help to me, in how I look at, and perceive all relationships-        ” look at all relationships as your own spiritual assignment”. Look for the positives in each “assignment” and draw on those, for optimal growth and healing.

For as long as I can recall, I have believed that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and when combining that belief system with, all relationships are a spiritual assignment, I am beginning to let go of limiting beliefs around how I interact with others’. Reflecting on those words, reason, season, lifetime and the relationships attached to those words, forces me to focus on the “teachings” behind it all, and I’m guessing (cause I’m still trying to figure it all out) until an “assignment” is passed, or the lesson learnt, we will continue to have those types of relationships show up in our lives in one form or another.

So, I am trying to be  consciously aware of how I interact with everyone I meet, as well as with my friends and family members. Trying to not take things to heart as much as I usually would (which is extremely hard, I don’t mind telling you!), trying to remember to visualise myself in my little bubble, so I don’t absorb other’s energy and mirror their behaviour, adapting the mindset, everyone you meet, and every relationship you form has a part to play, be it big or small, in your journey that is life, is helping me tackle each assignment thrown my way.

Some of the questions I ask myself  (which can be tricky in the heat of the moment) are;

✨What is it I am being shown about myself?

✨What vibe or feeling is it I am picking up on, either about myself or the relationship/other person?

✨What/how can I learn from this relationship/person?

✨How can I grow from this?

Some days I have not a clue, other days its like being hit by a lightning bolt ⚡️

One of the best pieces of advise I have received regarding relationships, again came via reading; “Light is the New Black” by  Rebecca Campbell………

“You are not for everyone, the world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, will point blank not like you…………….

Don’t waste your precious time and gifts trying to convince them of your value, they won’t ever want what you are selling………….”

I struggled with this concept a little at first, after all; who doesn’t want to be liked?

But as I’m still learning (clearly through my own spiritual assignments), that it is perfectly ok, because there some people who you are definitely for, they are the ones you will love you and support you no matter what, have your back always, be honest enough to pull you up when they can see you need some loving guidance, or just a good plain forehead slap 😃 Those are the people/relationships you want to have around for a lifetime, regardless of the lessons you are teaching or learning.  Let the others be a reason or a season, learn what you can from them for your own optimal growth, let go of what you don’t need from them, and move on.

Speaking of relationships,as I write this I  have just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary. I have been reminiscing and reflecting on my relationship with my husband. In my heart, I believe that my relationship with my husband, is a relationship for a lifetime. When the universe throws us a curve ball (and we have had a few), he is my rock, my constant, my soul mate. We face each hurdle, good or bad, together. When I feel like it’s all too much and my anxiety, self-doubt and depression sets in, it’s his belief in me, that instills my belief in myself. He has seen me at my best, and stood by me, at my worst. He sees the good in me, when I fail to see it myself, he sees my worth when I feel worthless, and he continues to teach me how to accept and receive love and help from others. Yep, I definitely think he is for me, a keeper for sure ❤️

And he thinks he’s the lucky one! I know, go figure…….

Until next time, take care of you ……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confession time!!!

Hey there!

So, I have a confession to make………….

Of late, I haven’t been a kind, caring and loving person to someone who plays a very important role in my life. In fact, I have been down right cruel to this person. To the point that at times, I truly believe that this person is not worthy of love, kindness or even just friendly help and guidance; from me, or anyone. After all, it’s always easier to be judgemental, cynical and negative, than to be open minded, loving and positive-right???

And, while I’m being so open and honest; I was so unloving and cruel to this person, that she believed with all her heart, that this world, and her family would be better off without her. I know, how cruel was I ?!?!?

Thankfully, as the pros and cons of leaving it all behind were unfolding, one of her sons made a call to her. Reminded her that she is worthy. Reminded her that she is loved. Reminded her that he, and her family needed her……….Talk about timing, right? 😇

That person that I have been so cruel and judgemental of; she’s me………

You see,  for someone who truly wants what is best for everyone around me, I find it extremely difficult to see, accept and receive the same from others. Those of you who  know me personally, or have even been reading my previous posts, will know that anxiety, and unworthiness is something that goes hand in hand for me. I am often there to advise, care for, and even point others in the right direction of self love and acceptance, but it is something that I, more often than not, struggle with for myself.

Which leads me to my next confession…………..

I have had a year thus far of doctors appointments, blood tests and every scan imaginable, all followed up with specialist appointments. I don’t want to say that I’m unwell, or sick as such, because I’m very aware that our thoughts help create and shape our reality, but I haven’t been fighting fit, I have been extremely unwell at times, and myself and my family, have had to put up with days of me just simply, not being able to get out of bed.

Now, I would like to consider my self a positive, happy, compassionate and caring person, but I’m here to tell you that the ongoing health factors, along with being prone to anxiety, panic attacks and mental anguish due to the chemical imbalance from MTHFR; I sometimes struggle to keep up the appearance of positivity; especially where myself is concerned! So, when I found myself consumed with frustration, negativity, unworthiness, and self doubt, putting myself down, self loathing, and feeling like a burden to those closest to me-self harm was easier to contemplate than you may think……..

“Everything happens for a reason”so, I asked myself and God/the Universe /Spirit (insert whatever is applicable to you); “what is the lesson for me right now?”

I quietened my mind. It was hard, hard to push past the “chatter” that is constantly going round and round in my mind, especially with the most recent turn of events so prominent and at the fore front of my thinking, but when I took the time to listen, really listen to that little voice in my mind (you know the one), I heard…….“surrender”!

Surrender to life, not run or hide from it.

Surrender to what will be, don’t fight and control every little thing.

Surrender to the universe, in the big scheme of things, things aren’t all that bad.

Surrender to my feelings, my feelings are important and I don’t have to justify them to anyone.

Surrender my fears of being worthy.

Surrender my fears of love.

Surrender my fears of acceptance.

Now I need to act. Allow myself to surrender. Trust that everything is unfolding as it should, and to forgive and release the uncaring, unloving and negative actions I have done to myself. Surrender to the possibilities of what is yet to come.

Am I worried as I write this, what others will think? Hell yes!

Will I feel judged? Of course I will, but I kinda figure people will (and do) judge me no matter what I say or do, and if writing and sharing my life experiences, the real, authentic me, that is perfectly flawed on so many levels, can help just one other person, then people can judge me all they like!

Until next time, take care of you…..

 

Trene x

******If you, or someone you know and love, feels like life is all to much, I have included some helpful links to check out 🌈******

I have used lyrics in the past to help describe how I’m feeling, and for me right now, I’m finding this song meaningful-enjoy!

WHO YOU ARE~Jessie J

 

perfectly imperfect

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah
The more I try the less it’s working, yeah,
‘Cause everything inside me screams, no, no, no, no, yeah

Don’t lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It’s okay not to be okay
Sometimes it’s hard, to follow your heart
But tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising
There’s nothing wrong with who you are

Read more: Jessie J – Who You Are Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 

 

 

2016 “Taking Care of Me”

Hey there!

I know this is a little late but, Happy New Year.

It has been months since I have written anything. To be totally honest, I have been laying low……There has been a huge amount of change occurring in my little world, and for a long time I have felt that my thoughts, feelings and the events taking place in my life, pale in, or are not as significant, in comparison to others.

After taking the time, and holding space, for getting in touch with past and current hurts, both during, and immediately after Wanderlust, I was reminded of my own mantra, “take care of you”. So, instead of looking toward others for answers, I took the time to listen to me, my heart, and my husband. I replied to an email applying to become an “Earth Angel” for a local, yet taking the world by storm organisation, Earth Events. Guess what??? They must’ve liked me, my application was successful!! Basically, my role is to attend events that this awesome company put together and organises for other awesome, well known people, and contribute to the event running smoothly; from welcoming the guests and making sure that they have their gift bags, to setting and packing up, and everything in between. And,  I also get to sit in on the event! The overall feeling and energy is nothing short of amazing. Just like Wanderlust; to be in a room full of people whose sole intent and actions come from a loving, mindful and kind place is bliss. There is no judgement, because everyone there is there to educate, and learn from a place of good and positive intentions, there is no space for judgment and fear. It was here, in this space, that I made my decision to take leave from work, and some aspects of my life as I knew it to be…………

At the same time, each of our boys were about to embark on new life adventures. Our eldest son was flying to, and staying in the USA for an extended period of time. Our middle son, was accepted in to a different school. When we applied we were hopeful, but not really expecting him to be offered a position. And, our youngest, was about to start on the next chapter of his schooling life, with the upcoming move in to high school. I had fears regarding all of their changes, even though logically I knew they would be fine, I had this “heaviness” and fear regarding all of changes and events that I could not explain.

Full of doubt and fear I applied for, and was granted leave at work, at that point, everything shifted. My doubt and “heaviness” was gone, there was just one more obstacle to conquer; permission from myself. To allow myself this time to take care of me without fear, guilt, or any other emotion that hurtled its way toward me! If I’m going to be totally honest right now, I’m still getting my head around it, but there a moments when I allow myself to relax, really relax and let go, its kinda like relaxing into a nice warm bubble bath, and when I’m there, I  feel more present, present for both myself, and my family.

So, its fair to say that so far, 2016 has been a year of change for me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I function best with structure and routine, but that being said, I’m embracing 2016, the year of change, and set my intention for this year as simply,                    ” follow my heart’s desires”. 

I’m taking care of me, listening to my heart, embracing my leave, and looking forward to my next “Earth Angel” event 💜🌏😇

Until next time, I sincerely hope that you are taking care of you!

Trene x

“It is ok to rest-when I rest, my body and mind heals 💜”~Trene x

 

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Love, not judge………

Hey there!

The other week I attended the Wanderlust Festival 2015, right here on the beautiful Sunshine Coast QLD Australia, and had a fantastic time! I remember watching the news earlier in the year when the Sunshine Coast Council announced the festival was coming to the coast, and feeling so excited. Yoga, meditation, lifestyle speakers, live music and entertainment, right here, literally 10 minutes from my front door-I couldn’t wait!

Yoga and meditation have been apart of my life for over the past ten years. The breathing techniques for both practices have helped me immensely with various life changing events that have, and are still, occurring within my life, as well as my anxiety and panic attacks. Regulating and focusing on breathe, not only helps with yoga postures, but it also helps with slowing the mind for when panic or anxiety kicks in. So, when the weekend (or more like the 4 days) finally arrived, I was definitely ready and keen to attend.

Prior to attending the weekend, I needed to schedule my days. I recall feeling frustrated with myself because there was specific sessions I wanted to attend, and when I tried to schedule myself into those particular classes, they were full-ARGH! Begrudgingly, I started to book myself into other classes/sessions, whilst continuing to put my name down on the waiting lists for the classes that were full in the hope of slotting into a slot.

Emotions were running high on Day 1, Thursday. Where do I go when I arrive? Will I know anyone there? Will I be able to successfully participate in everything I’ve signed up for? Will I be able to slot into the classes I’m on the waiting list for? To say that I was feeling overwhelmed, would be an accurate way to describe me that day!

My first session on the first day was “Float like a Butterfly, Focus like a Yogi” meditation was with yogi and meditator, Duncan Peak. I LOVED it! It set my mood for not only the day, but for the duration of the festival. I’m not going to give you a blow by blow, retell of my four days, but I do want to share the, or should I say, my “theme” and my “intention” that I took from this blissful experience.

Over the course of the four days, I never made any of the classes that I had put my name down on the waiting list for. So, because I believe that everything happens for a reason,I know that I was never meant to attend those sessions/classes, and I was definitely attending the ones that I needed to participate in. Every meditation that I did, and I mean every meditation, focused on my “inner child”; hence my theme for the course of the festival. Every class/session that I participated in touched my heart, soul and mind in ways that I wasn’t expecting. I laughed, cried, yoga-ed (is that even a word???), and meditated in ways that forced me to look at myself and my life, from a totally different perspective; the perspective of the little girl that resides in my heart, that needs nurturing-my “inner child”. We all have one, but how often do we take the time to listen to, and nurture that child? All to often, we get caught up in our fast paced, responsible, “adult” lives, and stop nurturing the essence of who we are, or worse, we totally ignore and forget, who we are.

By day three, after an awesome 90 minute yoga session, with Blissology Yoga couple, Eion Finn and the lovely, Insiya Rasiwala-Finn, we were guided to set ourselves an intention. So, whilst embracing Shavasana, letting my thoughts come, acknowledging them, and then letting them go, I received my intention…………Love! I’m thinking, love? Love what? Love more? I slowly quietened my thoughts and questions, and then it came…………..”Love, not judge”.

To make our intentions real, we were to share them with the person beside us. As I vocalised my intention, I felt every yoga session and every class up to that point in time fall into place. Loving and not judging also includes myself, my internal world, my inner child; take the time to nurture and take care of me without the fear of judgement either from myself or others. To know that I am worthy of love. To love others, not pass judgment, to be accepting of love………..and to be kind, always.

I had the privilege of meeting and working with some amazing people throughout my 4 day journey that was Wanderlust, and I am still over flowing with gratitude from the whole experience. The vibe and the energy when so many like minded people are together, is simply phenomenal!

You may not change the world, but you may just happen to be the change in someone’s world ❤️

✨Love others, without judgement.

✨Nurture your inner child, and to do so without fear of any judgement.

✨Embrace the diversity that makes us all who we are.

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

Letting Go……..

Hey there!

Over the past couple of months we, as a family have had a lot of things occur with in each of our individual lives, as well as our family unit. Each occurrence, situation or life event has been intertwined and linked in some shape or form. Our eldest son is now an “adult”, he has a job, a lovely girlfriend, a car and pretty much does his own thing. Our middle son is still heavily involved in all things soccer related; as I write this post we are preparing for National Titles where he will be representing QLD in the U16 Boys team, that are once again being held in Sydney N.S.W. Australia. We fly out on Sunday-very exciting times! He has also had his Set Plan interviews with his school for senior schooling subjects for the next two years; in amongst that, he has decided that he might like to look at different schools in the area, schools that offer more soccer, and soccer as a subject (cause you can never have too much soccer in your life!). And, our youngest son has also had a successful soccer season, with his U12 team winning the grand final; he is in the process of finishing up his primary school education and looking towards high school and all of the excitement and anticipation around that event! Craig has been flat out at work tendering and letting jobs, and I’ve been busy being a mum, plus working, getting the flu and, finding time to get myself well so I am available and ready to tackle whatever the boys or life throw at me! Did I mention that also through my yearning to learn and discover, I have in fact learnt that I am an Empath, oh and to top it off, my mum no longer wants a relationship with me……………..PHEW!!!

Enter self doubt, anxiety and good old fashion depression back into my life!

I’m going to be honest, I have been struggling. Every single decision I have made, I have not only second guessed it, I have third, fourth, fifth guessed it, to the point of throwing my arms up with a big old F@$K IT!! It has been hard work emotionally, and physically draining being in constant war with myself in my head, whilst putting on my “mask” of positivity to the outside world. Thank God, the Universe, Goddess (insert what is right for you), for my husband, my children, my bother and Dad. If it wasn’t for each of them, and different roles they each played during my recent dark time, I’m not sure I would’ve been so open to receiving the light that was, and is always there (even when my eyes and heart is closed to receiving).

By now, most people close to me know my “everything happens for a reason” motto. So in reflecting on everything, I decided that there is clearly a lesson for me to learn, and then share. I believe my lesson is LETTING GO.

⭐️Letting go of the want to always protect  the boys. Instead, offer guidance to them, so they can make their own, informed choices. Let them make mistakes so they learn and grow from their choices. I believe this is one lesson I will continue to learn and develop with every different, and new milestone that the boys continue to come across.

⭐️Letting go of my self image, or should I say, what I think people will think of me. All my life I have felt connected to others, be it people, animals or nature. I have always had extremely strong feelings around particular topics; respect, manners, kindness and just consideration for others, just to name a few. I have been told my whole life that I am too sensitive, I shouldn’t let others feelings affect me and, I can’t help everyone. Through my self discovery process, and after a few people have thrown into conversation that I am an Empath, I took a good hard look at my self, I read all I could find on the the topic, and I think they may be right……..I am an Empath. Instead of hiding my emotion, I need to embrace my feelings. Instead of believing that I am too sensitive, embrace my sensitivity. Instead of believing that I can’t change the world, help as many as I can make changes in their world.

My relationship with my mum is the hardest to let go………..It’s easier to walk away from people or circumstances that continually cause you pain, where the people involved are that little bit more detached, it’s very difficult when its family; especially your mother. My mother and I have butted heads from my recollection, since I was around 13. I had always basically assumed that it was normal for teenage daughters and their mums to clash occasionally-I mean, I clash with the boys occasionally; I still love them. My mother and I have had differences of opinions while I was growing into adulthood-I have differences of opinions with the boys; I still love them. When Craig and I had our marriage problems my mother was concerned and worried for me, I was choosing to stay in the marriage and give it another go-mum, at the time advised me differently; I am so pleased that I didn’t take her advice and that I made my own choices. Something I am encouraging the boys to do-make their own choices, regardless of the outcome; I will still love them. So, like what I thought normal families did, my mother and I have had our fair share of differences of opinions, I still loved her. I was in total shock, when at soccer training with our middle son, to receive a phone call from Craig saying that my mother and step father had just left our place, and my mother had told him that she can longer have a relationship with me, and handed Craig a letter to give to me. Craig read the letter, and to this day will not give it to me; he believes it’s better for my mental health for me to not read it and know exactly what my mother thinks of me and her feelings toward me. Craig has told me that he doesn’t know the person that she is referring to in the letter, but he does know that, that person is not me………..

I can not even begin to explain, how the fact that my own mother thinks so little of me, that she wants nothing to do with me, has made me feel. It lead to me questioning absolutely everything about myself. The feelings of “I must be horrible person”and, “how can I expect others to even like me, if my own mother doesn’t love me” was so overwhelming I found it a struggle to even function. I know I need to let go of this and these feelings, and it’s something that is becoming easier, but I have to admit, it’s very damn hard! And,you know what?  I still love her……..

THIS IS ME-I am learning to like me. I am hoping that in the not to distant future, I may even grow to love me.

I take care of me, I am kind to others, I am respectful to others, and I treat people the way I would like to be treated.

Until next time, take care of you…..

Trene x

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