Trigger warning….

I reflect daily, but I seemingly do my deepest reflecting on significant events in my life
So here it comes….

Not sure how it will come out, but it needs to get it out. I need to purge. Get it off my mind, my heart and outta my energy space.
Being a deep thinker, I could start at the beginning, but I will start where I’m at….
For years I struggled with mental illness. I am lucky in the now, that I no longer do. But for years, and I mean years; I did. Anxiety, panic attacks, bouts of depression and suicidal.. fuck; I actually said it!
And also, while I’m on a roll; for my whole life, I knew I was different. Not sure if that was because my home life was the polar opposite to that of most my friends, or because I always knew, and had a connection to source or the universe….something always guiding me, comforting me, and encouraging me to keep going.
Either way, “keep going” was what I did, and continue to do

I go within
I seek the answers I need
Then, if I’m brave enough
I find the support I need….
TRUTH BOMB
I have massive trust issues that I am growing through… so when I say support, I have used professional services because I know their trust and confidentiality is a requirement by law within the role they have… I certainly won’t hear anything back through some social grapevine!  Lessons have been  learned….
From the support I have received, I am more open to sharing my thoughts, my beliefs and my personal knowledge and experiences
So….
I made major changes in my world
I focused more on myself;  mind, body and spirit
I openly practice my beliefs
I am, and have been proactive in, and consistently bringing awareness to matters and causes close to my heart; ie Mental health and Black Dog Institute

And then …
My cousin ended his own life
I was devastated to say the least
Heartbroken…
Heartbroken for my family; his mum and dad, his sisters, grandparents, his kids, even his ex wife
BUT I was also heartbroken for him 💔
And this is why my heart broke for my him….
He had received professional help
He had reached out to the people he believed would support him
In his own way he was letting them know that he was struggling mentally
Except, the people he chose to reach out to, didn’t recognise what he needed
They were in fact the selfish ones
The ones who tell people to “get over themselves”
The ones to consumed with themselves,  that they couldn’t see what was right in front of them
They didn’t see it….
So, he did what he thought was the best thing to do….
You see, something that big
Something that life changing, that massive;  would not have been a decision he made lightly
Being in his shoes
Knowing where is mind must’ve been
Understanding the enormity of what he was leaving
The hearts he would be breaking
Takes fucking courage
I am, by no means glorifying suicide!
But, I AM DONE with narrow minded people calling people who have taken their own life, or attempted to end their life selfish
Or cowards
Stop with the name calling! Stop with the judgement!
And those that do; clearly have not a clue ….
If they knew mental illness
If they had faced their own mind, where it can take you and the inner turmoil it can cause
They wouldn’t name call
Our bodies are designed for natural instinct to kick in
We are in fact designed to WANT to survive
It’s instinctive
So ending our own life goes against EVERYTHING our human self and natural instincts tell us
When you are in that negative head space, that is so consuming
You genuinely believe that you are doing the most selfless act
You genuinely feel that by removing yourself permanently; will make others lives better
You honestly believe that your very existence is a thorn in most sides and people won’t miss you anyway
THIS IS WHY ITS AN ILLNESS!

I too, do not know of a single person who ended their own life, and presented themselves as “depressed” to society
BECAUSE YOU DON’T….
You are ashamed of how you feel
You are worried about what people will think and say if they really knew your inner most thoughts and feelings
You present yourself as happy
Because you learn very quickly how to fake happiness
It doesn’t matter what you are, or have experienced in life, or how you are feeling
You get up, put on your “mask” show people you have your shit together, how happy you are
When in fact, it’s usually the opposite
So
No, it’s not selfish
No, it’s not being a coward
To the person suffering with the illness, its the total opposite

So, BE KIND ♡

Good, loving, beautifully spirited people are taking their lives daily
1 in 8 to be precise!
Words hurt
Actions hurt
Check yourself
If you can not be kind
If you can not be positive and uplifting, or  just plain nice
Please say nothing
Because
” everyone you meet is fighting a battle, you know nothing about….”

Main point here; BE A NICE FUCKING HUMAN!

And Bjay… I know you are resting peacefully 🕊🤍
I saw you
I see you
I love you
Until we meet again….
~Trene x
🌙🦉🐺
Oh… and please; check in on your “happy” friends
Chances are they are the ones needing it the most
Happy Friday 💫🕊

#mentalhealthawareness #suicideprevention #bekind #belove #raiseyourvibe #love
#bethebestversionofyou