One quote I am infamous for saying is; “sharing is caring”. In saying that, I have something to share……
‘Sun is shining. The boys and my husband are all happy and healthy. I am happy, I am healthy. I’m broadening my horizons with new and interesting activities, living a purposeful, and best version of you life. I’m running the household, managing the budget and the family; getting the right child to the right sporting activity, wrapping my head around the fact that our middle child is just about finished school, trying to stay on top of graduation, formal stuff and schoolies. Oh, and England; he’s off to England straight after schoolies on a 16 day Football Tour-very exciting times! AND, we have just bought a block of land to FINALLY build our house!
Life is FANTASTIC; busy, but fantastic! At times, I even find myself pondering if this is even my life? How lucky and blessed am I? I am overflowing with gratitude; thank you God/Universe 🙏🏼❤️
BAM, then it hits! A sudden wave that you didn’t see coming. And just like that, I am engulfed in an ocean of panic; panic and fear, with the not knowing of which way is up or out……
So you breathe. Take a breath, only to feel like you can’t. So you try again; again and again…. Meanwhile, the suffocation from the waves of panic continuously smashing into you, keeps you restricted…….Restricted in your own mind.
You could be driving a car, in a room full of people, or in the middle of a wide open space, but when anxiety takes hold, it literally feels like you’re trapped. Trapped and struggling to breathe. You know what you need to do, breathe and stay calm; paralysed, you simply can’t! So, you roll with it. Surrender to the force and heaviness of the emotional wave, and literally ride the panic attack out…..
What’s wrong with me? I thought I was over this! Where was the warning? There were no triggers, no warning alarm silently sounding off in my mind, just BAM, and it was here…..
Exhaustion; the only word I can find to explain the after math of the attack.
Embarrassment; that others witness the whole event. AND…..
Anger; when well-meaning people say “calm down!” Really? WTF!! If I could actually articulate any kind of cohesive sentence, whilst being engulfed in the eye of the storm, that is the panic attack, I would be telling them; “don’t you think I want to be calm? I’m not choosing to be filled with so much panic and fear. I’m not choosing to be crying uncontrollably. I’m not choosing to embarrass myself, or you for that matter”.
Then, just like that, it’s gone……
Sun is shining. The boys and my husband are all happy and healthy. I am happy, I am healthy……..’
Do I wish I didn’t have anxiety and panic attacks? Hell yes!
Do I wish others were more understanding? Hell yes!
Am I going to sit around moping when a panic attack happens? Hell no! Well….maybe for a little while……but when the exhaustion passes, I pick my sorry butt up, put on my big girl pants, and get on with it!
I’m learning that setbacks are allowed, stay true to myself and when I can……share. Sharing, really is caring ❤️
Practice mindfulness and positive self talk. Take care of you. Create a sacred space within your home, a corner that feels personal and sacred (I have several around my home). Somewhere you can sit, and be authentically, and unapologetically you 🌈 Reflect, ponder, dream, give yourself little words of wisdom, but also listen…..Quiten your mind, listen.
Until next time; take care of you 💜 ✨