For those of you who have been following my blog, will know I write about my life, what is happening, and how I deal with (or sometimes, not deal with very well) things. I have never claimed to have all the answers, but I figure if I’m feeling a particular way, or having life “stuff” to deal with, guaranteed someone else out there is probably going through/has been through, the same or similar “stuff”. Sometimes, just knowing that even though life happens, good, bad, or indifferent, someone else understands and can relate to the situation you are facing. When I have been caught up in my deepest and darkest moments, surrounded by anxiety, panic and fear, knowing that I am not alone, and using all my strength mentally, to shift my mindset, often is the driving force to pick my sorry butt up, dust myself off, put on my big girl pants, and get on with it! So, in saying that, I read the letter………
My mother wrote me a letter. My husband refused to let me read the letter, because he knew it would break me. All he would tell me regarding the letter, was that the person mentioned in the letter, was not someone he knew, and he didn’t want me to read it and believe the words within in it. He believed, for my own state of mind, it was better me not knowing the content for the letter. My husband is the one and only person I can honestly say, I trust with all my heart, mind, body and soul. So, as much as I wanted to read it when it was dropped here, I trusted Craig when he insisted I didn’t. Two years have passed, I’m in a better place; I read the letter……..
I’ve read it at least a hundred times. I experienced what felt like, an infinity of emotions; finally, I can now read it from nearly, a detached state of emotion. It is now, just words. Poorly written, scattered thoughts fuelled by an angry person, who obviously needed to express their feelings, and direct those feelings at the person they believe is responsible for all of their heartache- ME.
I get that. When I write, I write from a place of feeling. And usually, I feel better (sometimes nervous, because I’m putting my self out there for the same type of criticism I received in the letter) for getting what I want/need to say out and down on paper (or on my blog). I’ve even written a response to the letter. I have not sent it. I WILL NOT send it. I did not write it from a place of hate, fear, rejection or hurt, but from love…….
I did not rebut the statements and accusations in the letter. I wrote from my heart. From the heart of a girl, a girl who has finally realised that she has to let go, move forward, and forgive. Forgive my mother, but also honour her feelings; forgive myself, and honour my own feelings.
We have all experienced hurt, pain and sorrow. Some worse than others, but pain just the same. It’s how we honour ourselves, react to those feelings, and move forward, is how we forgive. Forgive, not only those we believe have wronged us, but also ourselves.
You see, for the most part of my life (and even as I type this), I believed that if I do the right thing, be nice to everyone I meet, try to get along with all who cross my path, people will like me-simple. Um….. wrong!
I am learning that, I AM NOT FOR EVERYONE…….and sometimes, sadly, that even includes family. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I’m finally nearly at peace with it.
I’ve taken the time, to notice all of the signs and messages aimed my way repeatedly, this past week or so. I’ve taken the time to notice, listen, stop, and act. I’ve written this post, and now I am sharing my lessons- “forgiveness is freedom” and, “let go of others perceptions”
“It’s through forgiveness, that we have the freedom, to let go of others perceptions of us”.~Trene
Be authentically you. Be unapologetic for who you are, and what you stand for. Be kind. Be love. Be the very best version of you. Those who get your vibe will stay, and those who don’t will drift away.
“……..Don’t waste your precious time and gifts to convince them of your value, they won’t ever want what you are selling. Don’t convince them to walk alongside you. You’ll be wasting both your time and theirs and will likely inflict unnecessary wounds, which will take precious time to heal. You are not for them and they are not for you; politely wave them on, and continue along your way. ……..”~Rebecca Campbell; Light is the New Black.
Oh, I nearly forgot! Today marks the Full Moon in Libra 🌕 a fantastic time for releasing what no longer serves you. What serves you and what doesn’t? Release and let go, but also practise forgiveness.
Until next time, take care of you.