So, I’ve been reflecting, reading, learning, studying and reflecting some more. Over the last few months I’ve cried, rejoiced, got down right annoyed, felt inspired, felt let down and, cried some more.
Life has been busy, our eldest son now an adult, working, socializing, coming and going, making his own way in the world; the younger two still at school and both so heavily involved in the sport they love-soccer. Then coming home from our third year at National Titles with Tom in Sydney, where we were straight back into trials for both representative and club teams for the 2017 season for both boys; time appears to be rushing by, and doesn’t really look like it will be slowing down in the foreseeable future! It’s been in the busiest of these moments that I turn inward. Sometimes it leads to self-doubt, this time it prompted me to take a good hard look at myself, my family, and whats truly important to myself and my family.
With the recent course of events unfolding in my personal life, I have been reflecting on my life and those in it up to this point. Being labelled a “sook”, “too sensitive”, “too serous”, “hot-tempered”, with one “friend” even calling me a “bit of a prune”; are phrases I have heard to describe me ALL of my life! And, this is what I’ve come with……..
I am, who I am! I am an empath, I DO take on other’s emotions-when those around me are hurting, I hurt with them; when they are happy, I rejoice with them, if something or some one is hurtful to myself or those around me and pisses me off, I will react to it. YES, my feelings get hurt, when I give, I give with all of my heart. When I love, I love with all of my soul. When I share myself, my inner most thoughts or feelings with you, I’m sharing an essence of my very spirit….. I know I over think stuff, I don’t need anyone to point out the obvious, but when I do, it’s because my feelings are out there for all to see, and through that vulnerability, fear can seep in.
You see, I love to see those around me happy. So, I will often slip into “people pleasing” so I don’t put myself at risk of being vulnerable. In doing this, I’m accepting of others, how they feel and, how they treat me. More often than not, I allow and silently give permission for others to mistreat, or hurt my feelings with their labels, rather than me standing up, and owning my thoughts and feelings. Well no more!
I’m still finding my feet in this thing called life, and unfortunately or fortunately, however you choose to look at it, as my blog title states……. THIS IS ME! I am sensitive, I love quickly and deeply, I hurt just as quickly and deeply. I care about the environment, all life, be it human or animal that resides on our beautiful planet Earth. I cry……I cry when I’m sad, be it a movie, a book, the news, and I cry when I’m happy. And, that’s ok. I collect crystals, I’m a vegan and proud to be (I never judge or criticise others for choosing to eat meat and consume dairy, I respect others and their choices; it would be great if my choices were respected, not criticized and made fun of- another example of me not owning my feelings!), I love eating organic food and try to stay away from chemicals when I can (dream job-educating the masses on the importance of good health and clean eating), oh I nearly forgot, I absolutely love the moon; the crescent is my favourite!
If in amongst all of the above I happen to annoy and make people uncomfortable, that is never my intent. I’ve learned that when I feel uncomfortable around certain people, or in particular situations that, that is the universe/God’s (insert whats applicable to you) way of showing me something I need to work on with in myself. I turn to the universe/God and ask what it is I need to learn from this person/situation.
I’m learning to like me, it’s a process, and one that is forever changing, just as I am forever changing and growing- the person I am today, is not the person I was 1, 10, or even 20 years ago. I’m investing in my health and well-being. Often as mums, we look at putting time and energy into ourselves as selfish, I’m choosing to look at it as an investment, an investment in mine and my family’s future…….
“When I am nurturing me,
I am present and available for others…….”
So until next time, start investing in yourself, your health and well-being. And, remember to take care of you!