…growth, evolve and evaluate…

Hey there,

Is it just me, or is this year absolutely flying?!?

With this month being my birthday month, I have taken the time, and the space to reflect and evaluate my life up to this point.

Over the last few years, I have learned to like who I am. I’m a continual work in progress, striving to grow and evolve as a person and to embrace any opportunity that may come my way. In order to do these things, things had to get uncomfortable. And I needed to step outside of my comfort zone…

All of my life I have been a people pleaser.

I embraced the ” I aim to please” approach within all aspects of my life. Making others lives run smoothly, whether I wanted to or not, was what I did.

Now, I genuinely love supporting the people that I hold dear to me, but I have learned that I don’t have to lose sight of myself in doing so.

It’s taken a long while, but I’m finally at a place where I know what I will, and will not accept from others any more.

Learning to say no to situations and people have been the hardest thing I’ve had to rewire myself to do. At the same time, it’s also been surprisingly liberating!

This has presented “problems” along the way; feedback that I have changed. No, I’ve not “changed”. I’ve always been who I am; this means that I’ve learned…. learned that it’s ok to think of myself.

If something isn’t resonating with me, it’s ok to walk away from it.

It’s ok to choose who I allow into my space.

It’s ok to no longer tolerate disrespect from others.

I am also learning that how I am treated by others isn’t necessarily about me….

I didn’t start this year with a ”new year, new me” attitude. My approach to this year has been all about self-growth. Expanding on the me I’ve always been.

If that meant I’ve made others uncomfortable; that’s on them.

I’ve cleaned up the energy that I accept into my space.

I’m freely expressing all aspects and dimensions of who I am. I no longer want to “hide” behind an image of how I “should” look or behave. As much as there is still (unfortunately)a stigma attached to mental illness; I’m open to sharing my past mental health issues. I’m now open to address how I embrace mental wellness. And surprisingly, this too makes others uncomfortable.

This is on them, not me. How others feel about me, is their business, not mine. And that’s ok!

What is my business is, that I’m no longer a people pleaser; it’s detrimental to my own wellbeing.

As my birthday month comes to a close, I am thankful and full of gratitude to all of the events that have to lead me to the here and now. I am who I am because of those events. Those events and people have all played their part in shaping, moulding and encouraging me to be unapologetically me.

I encourage you to do the same.

Step into your truth.

Embrace who you are.

And if that upsets anyone; well that’s on them!

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

Actions over Words…oh, and just be kind ♡

Hey there!

So, it’s been a while…

Relationships lost.

New friendships formed.

Some past friendships strained.

Good friendships became stronger.

Lessons have been learnt.

But realistically….life has happened.

I made a decision on New Year and as a part of each New Moon, that I would intentionally lead from my heart… I would allow myself to be open to whatever came my way and I would finally open my heart to new possibilities….

I clearly needed to be more specific because all this has done, is open myself up to hurt. But that’s ok…lessons have been learnt!

If I had a dollar for every post I saw on social media regarding mental health, and people sharing posts about staying up all night to talk to others so the person struggling felt valued, I’d have a few hundred dollars in my pocket so far this year alone. And this is awesome! We need to bring mental illness or mental wellness, as I prefer to call it, to the fore front. People need to know that it’s ok to talk about their mental health. They will not be judged or shamed, but supported and loved.

But where are those people? The people sharing the posts, I mean.

I mean, I know who they are. I see the posts they share… but, I also know for a FACT, that out of just my Facebook “friend” list alone; I could/can/ have actually done so, counted on one hand who have been there for me.

And those few of you that have been, and still are, you know who you are…..

THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU ♡♡♡

There is some truth to the quotes floating around regarding those who smile the most; are often the ones that may need to be checked in on…. Not everyone shares their lows and setbacks as a Facebook status…. Not everyone will openly share, unless prompted, the shitty moments that life throws their way…. Or they simply don’t know who they can open up to due to past experiences and insecurities.

Just this past weekend; I was right back mentally where I have not been for the longest time…. and I survived. I have learned to rely on myself. And I have finally accepted that it is ok to rely on and reach out to others….again, you know who you are

THANKYOU !!

But people assume. They make assumptions based on their on perception….

Over my lifetime; I have been name called, I have been wrongly accused, I have been cheated on, I have been misunderstood, abused, shamed, blamed and disrespected….

And still I see; no I deliberately search for, the good, that same light I know and see within myself…. in others.

And still, I am that person who hears a friend needs support, or has received bad news, or I simply get a feeling that something is off…. I show up… regardless of my own troubles….regardless of my own journey.

I am learning that not everyone has a heart like mine…. not everyone is capable of seeing the light in others….not everyone means what they say….and not everyone’s actions match the words they speak….

And still, I search for the good and that same light in them….

People who know me will read this and message me… people will read this and not message me (probably just talk about me) …people will read this and think it’s all about them….

It’s not!

I write for me.

I journal for me.

I share my thoughts, my feelings, my truths, for me.

It all helps me.

And if by chance, I happen to help someone else in some small way by me sharing me… that is fanfuckingtastic!

In saying all of the above; mental illness, suicide, depression, grief, anxiety, this stupid corona virus; life is happening, and there are moments where we all struggle from time to time…. if you see me sharing a post about mental illness….I have lived it….I can relate….

And I mean it when I say I AM HERE for support ♡ you actually CAN message me and say you need a friend or a friendly ear, and I WILL be there. I may not have the perfect words, shit…I might not have any words, but I will have a loving heart, a caring soul and a comforting hug if nothing else…

So, instead of judging each other.

Instead of making assumptions.

Instead of being too busy or disinterested to align your actions with your words…

please be kind. That’s all ♡

Until next time; take care of you…

Love,

Trene x

2019… thanks for the lessons ♥︎

Hey there!

Firstly; HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Secondly; well done on surviving 2019. Is it just me? But OMG what a year it was!

In saying that, I am so full of gratitude for what the past year bought, and taught me.

2019 in a nutshell, was all about loss, strength, reflection and gratitude for me.

The loss of relationships. Gratitude for the ones I didn’t lose. Thankful for the new ones I have made. Blessed for all of it!

Discovering the strength I always knew I had in me, but never was quite game to use.

The ability to delve deep into all past and present versions of myself, and events that had led me to where I was in 2019, and reflect….truly, deeply and honestly reflect. Clearly is see it all for what it was. Clearly understand the why’s around how I got to where I was in my life. Acknowledge and own it all for what it taught me. Allow the feelings attached to it all engulf me. Sit and meditate with each feeling, and then with a grateful heart and spirit, give thanks for it all and respectfully release it.

Everything that I had grown through not only in the past year but also throughout my life, had bought me to the here and now. Each event, each milestone, each heartache, each love-filled moment, all helped shape and mould me into the current version of me.
And for that; I am grateful!

I have learned and discovered things about myself that I “knew” existed inside me, but I kept submissive.

I have looked one of my greatest fears directly in the eye and silently declared….” bring it”.

I have taken the time to tap into my heart. Listen to what it had to say, and then surrendered to following it.

I have a clearer ability to trust my gut and intuition, question my ego (head), follow my heart, for it is the heart that knows best….
And lovingly trust the Universe like a child trusts their parent; that all be divinely how it is meant to be.

So, here is to 2020! What a year I know it’s going to be.

Wishing everyone abundant love, good health, happiness and peace always ♥︎

“don’t hide from heartbreak
for it will show you more truth than a thousand days
live in it, soak in it
and let it evolve you
into your next and greater form”
~ATTICUS

Until next time; take care of you

Trene x

It’s not always love and light…

Hey there!

Ok… so today is/was “R U Ok day”

A day where we as a collective remember the importance of checking in with each other… a day where we share posts about mental health and help assist in bringing to forefront the importance of recognising all aspects of mental health; from anxiety right through to suicidal thoughts…. this is a day where we remember that just because you can’t “see” mental illness, it is very much present in today’s society.

Unfortunately, even though we have this national day of recognition, there are people among us that still will not understand what it’s like to live with a mental illness….

Because you don’t always look sad, or depressed….

But this is when you need to look longer at someone….take the time to “listen” when they speak, not so you can reply, but so you can hear what they are not saying….

You see, the people that mental illness affects the most, are usually the ones wearing the biggest smiles. We are the ones so used to not being heard that we learn to wear a mask… we are so used to being misunderstood that whenever anyone asks how we are; we are always “fine” ….everything is always “all good” …and if we run around after everyone else, we don’t have time to slow down to think about anything…. until you do!

Until you have to confront your own mind. You have to put on your big girl pants and just show the fuck up for yourself… Until you have to meet your own mind head-on and demand your own worthiness….

And that, even though it is emotionally draining, physically tiring and spiritually demanding….that is where you realise your value, your true strengths and how you must experience the darkness to truly love and live in the light ✨

So yes, acknowledge “R U OK DAY” but remember that for some, every day is “R U Ok day”…..

And yes….for any of you who know me, and know my own mental illness struggles;

I am finally OK ✨❤️

I will continue to share my darker, sometimes negative aspect of myself….because I no longer wear a mask…

I’m forever grateful for my own experiences in the darkness….they taught me that I’m better than that, and as much as I thought I was not loveable or worthy; I now know I am ❤️

And so are you!

So be magnificent. be happy. be love. and always be your true authentic self.

And if you ever want to talk to someone who may just happen to understand….

I’m always available.

So……”R U Ok?”

Until next time, take care of you

Trene x

Rejection equals Redirection

Hey there!

So over the past few weeks, I have consciously been putting into practice all of the values, practices and mantras that I hold dear to my heart.

During this time I’m sure the Universe/God/ Spirit [insert what is applicable for you] has decided to test my faith, in not only my belief in my faith, but also my belief in myself; presenting me with challenges that I used to once go into panic over. The panic would turn to anxiety, the anxiety would result in a full blown panic attack, and I’d end up emotionally and mentally exhausted (usually for days), questioning my worthiness, and consumed with self doubt, border-lining self hate….

Not this time!

This time, I know my worth.

This time, I know my strengths.

This time, I trust my faith.

This time, I trust the process.

This time, I get to put into practice EVERYTHING I have grown through over my time on this beautiful planet.

I no longer hear the words and name calling echoing in my mind from the past.

I no longer look for outside reassurance.

I no longer wait to be “given permission” from others to express my myself.

I breathe…

I align…

I remember who I was before my past environments and society decided differently….

I honour and acknowledge the girl I was and the woman of my past.

I trust the woman I am today and honour her for all she has experienced, all she has witnessed, and all she is yet to evolve into…

I look the challenges presented to me in the eye…

I acknowledge them…

I feel them…

And I love hard through them…

I have learned that it’s natural and only human to feel ALL emotion.

It’s ok to feel both negative and positive emotion.

Without the negative.

Without the fear.

Without the hurt.

I would not get to experience and appreciate gratitude, positivity and love (both self love and for others) in the enormity that I do!

So, here’s to the challenges! And teaching me that “blocks”, negativity and rejection of any description, is merely leading to redirection.

And for that, I am thankful!

Until next time,

Trene x

Memories…

Hey there!

Oh. My. God, its April already!

I’m not entirely sure where this year has gone, but it feels like it is flying by…

So, my “baby” has just turned 15!
Where did that time go? It only feels like yesterday that we filled our days around Thomas the Tank Engine, running the older boys around, and aiming for a 7:30pm bedtime. Now, I spend my time running him around, watching any, and every football game that is televised, and insisting he’s in bed and lights out by 10 at the latest!

I love celebrating my boys birthdays. For me, I use this time as a time of reflection. Reflecting on how each of them has grown and matured. Remembering when times were a little simpler. Reliving the memories that are etched in my heart from the past….

One of and the most recent memory I have with my youngest is the time we spent in England last Sept/Oct.
Harry was never sure about sport when he was younger. He had one brother who loved and played rugby league, and another who loved and played football (soccer). Harry spent his time shuttled between both sports every day due to training and games for both brothers.
He tried rugby league when in U6s; decided that wasn’t for him. Then at age 11, decided because he spent more time than not at a football field, due to his brother doing so well at the sport, he may as well sign up and play himself. So began my new routine of “eat, sleep, football, repeat”…. Between Harry and his brother, I pretty much lived and breathed football, and could be (still can be)found at a football ground.

Fast forward to last September; Harry at 14 is now playing at NPL level, just completed his 2nd consecutive Australian National West Ham United camp, and he and I were preparing to fly (along with his team) to England for him to participate in a camp over there.
To be totally honest, I’m not sure who got more from the experience; Harry gaining confidence, and having the pleasure of being coached by, and learning from some fantastic and elite coaches, as well as pushing himself to be competitive against some tough and well-drilled academy teams. Or me, having the pleasure of witnessing him grow, develop and totally flourish in an environment that he clearly feels so at ease in….

We attended some great games while there. We saw Harry’s beloved Manchester City play at Etihad Stadium. We had stadium tours of the likes of Wembley Stadium. Harry made new friends and developed a deeper knowledge, understanding, and skills of the sport he feels so passionate about. And I, well I got to feel my heart swell with pride. I got to witness this whole experience through Harry’s eyes. I had the opportunity to have one on one time with Harry that I hadn’t had before. And, etch more memories into my heart….
As this week wraps up and his birthday has come and gone for another year, I still reflect. Not just on my memories of Harry, but also of his older brothers. After being told that I may possibly never successfully carry a baby to term. After losing twin girls at 22 weeks gestation in between Harry and his older brother (I will share that another time); I am reflecting and giving thanks for the 3 miraculous gifts that I have been so graciously blessed with.

My boys are my biggest teachers, but also my biggest and by far, my best achievements!

So, happy birthday, to my not so little April fool. Can’t wait to see what the next year brings for you!

And, until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

 

You do you, and I’ll do me….

Hey there,

You may, or may not know that I love to learn. In my efforts to learn, I am implementing daily podcasts into my life. I currently have 3 on the go. They are “Sounds like Bliss”~Tara Bliss. “Dr. Wayne W Dyer podcast”~Dr. Wayne Dyer. And, “On Purpose”~Jay Shetty

On that note I’m going to share this quote;

“I’m not what I think I am, I’m not what you think I am……I am, what I think, you think, I am..”~ Cooly; as cited by Jay Shetty

Think about that. When Jay first referenced it, I literally stopped (I was walking my dog), listened to the quote again, and again…. and then I turned the podcast off….I needed to soak up those words. Allow those words to sit with me. I recall thinking at the time, that truer words I had not heard! So many of us live our lives in a way that is not aligned with our spirit. We tend to live the life that others would like us to lead. Worrying about things that will probably never happen. Trying to live up to others expectations. When in reality, those expectations are the expectations that we think others have….as someone who has suffered from mental illness (yep, finally said it!), these words felt like I was given permission to truly be me.

When I sit and imperfectly write my blog, I am showing you….me. 

I always write from a place of feeling and honesty. Sometimes I write a whole post with tears streaming down my face. Some posts are written straight after I have had an amazing meditation session and I am keen to share my “ah-ha moments”. Some of them are quickly scribbled on whatever I can find in my car, in between football training when the feeling occurs. But, all of them are written from an open, honest and loving heart.

Also, while I’m sharing…… I wrote a mini ebook. My first “published” ebook!

Is it perfect? No.

Is it an in-depth novel? No.

Is it a bit dodgy? Probably, there are definitely things I can (and will on my next one) improve on. 

Is it all my own work? Yes, using references from reputable sources, and my own knowledge.

Why? For the same reasons I write a blog; I want to share my knowledge and experiences with others.

Maybe, just like the blog posts, if by me sharing a little of myself can help just one person.  If my imperfect writing and knowledge touch just one person, and then that one person takes something positive away from my experiences, then me putting myself “out there”, with an open heart, is worth any judgment that may come my way.

Realistically, over time I have been my own worst enemy and harshest critic. Over the years, I have beat myself up physically, emotionally and mentally. There is very little that anybody could say to me that I have not; 

  • heard before, or 
  • said to myself.

Does that mean it no longer hurts when I hear it? No, it still hurts. 

Does that mean that I have “thick skin” and let everything roll over me? No, I’m a f%#king empath; I feel EVERYTHING! 

What it does mean is that I am hopefully allowing myself to feel, to learn, to grow and evolve and then share with others, in the hope of providing comfort or reassurance for anyone experiencing similar experiences.

If I am to be really honest; me sharing my thoughts, feelings, and life experiences are for me- to help me, kinda understand me.

So; so far this year…. I have sworn and cursed my way through January (yep, I can have a potty mouth). Flew through February. Lost my Nanna early March, and in between, I am making a conscious effort to “show up” as a dōTERRA Wellness Advocate, and taking a whole new approach to sharing the beautiful and magickal (no not a spelling error, I am deliberately spelling it that way) dōTERRA essential oils. AND, I have made the decision to team up with Herbalife Nutrition as a Herbalife promotor and distributor.

Doing me, in a way that feels aligned with my core values and beliefs. Watch this space…… 

In the meantime, if you get a chance, blast some Jay Shetty, Wayne Dyer or Tara Bliss into your eardrums; you won’t regret it!

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

IMG for March blog

 

for all things dōTERRA and/or Herbalife please contact me privately and I will get back to you ASAP

 

Good riddance January….

Hey there!

And, just like that we are already in February.

January was a big one for me. I recall reading social media posts in the lead up to new years eve 2018. So many people could not wait to see the back of 2018;  I on the other hand, am feeling like that regarding January 2019! Adios January… good riddance… bugger the f@$k off! 

Physically, I am feeling the fittest, healthiest and emotionally strongest I have been in a while. Energetically, and spiritually; the tiredest I have been in what feels like years. 

As a part of my full moon releasment ritual on the last full moon of 2018, I made the decision to be open to anything that no longer served my higher good, to fall away….. if something or someone no longer bought me joy, or if I found myself not whole heartily turning up and coming from a place of love and kindness in every area of my life;  to be open to letting whatever that maybe, go….

The bar has been raised. It sorta feels like the Universe set me a challenge, a challenge that I accepted. So, I have mentally and energetically made the conscious decision to “rise my vibration”, and it’s HARD!  Not the raising my vibe bit; the keeping it there bit! What I will, and will not tolerate bit. The who I will, and will not surround myself with bit. Who I openly give my time and energy to bit. I’m not gonna lie, there are days where I feel like I’m directing my energy in the right direction, only for the universe to yell; “PLOT TWIST!”

I have so much gratitude for what 2018 taught me. The mistakes I made. The lessons I learned. And, the connections I had made (both positive and negative). 2018 was the year I remembered……I remembered not necessarily who I was, but possibly more importantly, who I was NOT! It was the year that I finally embraced my own worth. It was the year that transformed me from the feeling of unworthiness, to waking up to the possibility of finally feeling worthy….. and it felt good! There were highs and lows, there were tears of sadness and of joy, but overall it felt good. 

January on the other hand…..

I guess, if I’m being totally honest; with claiming back my worth, also raises questions, and brings up feelings of doubt. Doubting myself in the roles I play in other’s lives. How will me being happy, affect those around me? How do I balance my own desire of worthiness and happiness whilst also making others happy, and meeting their needs? AND, why when we do put our own happiness first, this manages to offend/upset others? But at the same time be open and understanding to their needs…

I have no doubt that by the way 2019 started; it’s definitely going to be a big year! I can not wait to experience what is yet to come my way.

“do everything with so much love in your heart, that you would never do it any other way….be open to whatever no longer serves you, to lovingly fall away”

January I’m sure, well I hope, has been my “just checkin’ “ month. Just making sure that I’m still up for the challenge. Still good on my word. Still, despite what comes my way; I remain true to myself and keep vibin’ high. 

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

Happy New Year…..

Hey there, 

It’s nearly here. The new year.

As 2018 draws to a close I will spend time reflecting, journaling and setting my intentions for the new year. 

Looking through social media in the lead up to today; I have seen and read many posts on “new year, new me” and how “I can’t wait to see the back of 2018”. For me; this isn’t true. 

Like most, I have had my fair share of highs and lows. I’ve lost friends. I’ve seen heartbreak and witnessed overwhelming joy.  For for all of these experiences I am grateful. Without the lows, the highs may not of been so deliriously delightful. Without losing friends, I may of not had the space for the amazing, positive people I have connected with.  Without experiencing heart break and pain, I may not of been so open and willing to share, grow and expand my heart to not only give; but also receive love, kindness and friendship.

I will not be going into 2019 with a “new year, new me” mantra.  My mindset going forward in the new year is “I am me; I am who I am, and I am continuing to do me”. I am taking my experiences from this past year and what I’ve learned, and moving forward with a full heart.  A heart full of gratitude and love.  A heart that is not only open wide to whatever may come my way, but also accepting. A heart that is choosing to make decisions that will reflect my hopes, not my fears. A heart willing to continue to expand, but also serve. 

Later tonight when all is quiet, I will reflect through this years memory jar (yes, I keep a memory jar), and make space for 2019 memories, which by the way, I’m so looking forward to. 

2018, thanks for the memories

one of my best memories from 2018

 …..and the lessons. 

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”~Wayne Dyer

Heres to a Happy New Year, and as always; take care of you!

Until next time,

Trene x

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