…growth, evolve and evaluate…

Hey there,

Is it just me, or is this year absolutely flying?!?

With this month being my birthday month, I have taken the time, and the space to reflect and evaluate my life up to this point.

Over the last few years, I have learned to like who I am. I’m a continual work in progress, striving to grow and evolve as a person and to embrace any opportunity that may come my way. In order to do these things, things had to get uncomfortable. And I needed to step outside of my comfort zone…

All of my life I have been a people pleaser.

I embraced the ” I aim to please” approach within all aspects of my life. Making others lives run smoothly, whether I wanted to or not, was what I did.

Now, I genuinely love supporting the people that I hold dear to me, but I have learned that I don’t have to lose sight of myself in doing so.

It’s taken a long while, but I’m finally at a place where I know what I will, and will not accept from others any more.

Learning to say no to situations and people have been the hardest thing I’ve had to rewire myself to do. At the same time, it’s also been surprisingly liberating!

This has presented “problems” along the way; feedback that I have changed. No, I’ve not “changed”. I’ve always been who I am; this means that I’ve learned…. learned that it’s ok to think of myself.

If something isn’t resonating with me, it’s ok to walk away from it.

It’s ok to choose who I allow into my space.

It’s ok to no longer tolerate disrespect from others.

I am also learning that how I am treated by others isn’t necessarily about me….

I didn’t start this year with a ”new year, new me” attitude. My approach to this year has been all about self-growth. Expanding on the me I’ve always been.

If that meant I’ve made others uncomfortable; that’s on them.

I’ve cleaned up the energy that I accept into my space.

I’m freely expressing all aspects and dimensions of who I am. I no longer want to “hide” behind an image of how I “should” look or behave. As much as there is still (unfortunately)a stigma attached to mental illness; I’m open to sharing my past mental health issues. I’m now open to address how I embrace mental wellness. And surprisingly, this too makes others uncomfortable.

This is on them, not me. How others feel about me, is their business, not mine. And that’s ok!

What is my business is, that I’m no longer a people pleaser; it’s detrimental to my own wellbeing.

As my birthday month comes to a close, I am thankful and full of gratitude to all of the events that have to lead me to the here and now. I am who I am because of those events. Those events and people have all played their part in shaping, moulding and encouraging me to be unapologetically me.

I encourage you to do the same.

Step into your truth.

Embrace who you are.

And if that upsets anyone; well that’s on them!

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

Be a nice fucking human 🤍🕊

Trigger warning….


I reflect daily, but I seemingly do my deepest reflecting on significant events in my life
So here it comes….


Not sure how it will come out, but it needs to get it out. I need to purge. Get it off my mind, my heart and outta my energy space.
Being a deep thinker, I could start at the beginning, but I will start where I’m at….
For years I struggled with mental illness. I am lucky in the now, that I no longer do. But for years, and I mean years; I did. Anxiety, panic attacks, bouts of depression and suicidal.. fuck; I actually said it!
And also, while I’m on a roll; for my whole life, I knew I was different. Not sure if that was because my home life was the polar opposite to that of most my friends, or because I always knew, and had a connection to source or the universe….something always guiding me, comforting me, and encouraging me to keep going.
Either way, “keep going” was what I did, and continue to do

I go within
I seek the answers I need
Then, if I’m brave enough
I find the support I need….
TRUTH BOMB
I have massive trust issues that I am growing through… so when I say support, I have used professional services because I know their trust and confidentiality is a requirement by law within the role they have… I certainly won’t hear anything back through some social grapevine!  Lessons have been  learned….
From the support I have received, I am more open to sharing my thoughts, my beliefs and my personal knowledge and experiences
So….
I made major changes in my world
I focused more on myself;  mind, body and spirit
I openly practice my beliefs
I am, and have been proactive in, and consistently bringing awareness to matters and causes close to my heart; ie Mental health and Black Dog Institute

And then …
My cousin ended his own life
I was devastated to say the least
Heartbroken…
Heartbroken for my family; his mum and dad, his sisters, grandparents, his kids, even his ex wife
BUT I was also heartbroken for him 💔
And this is why my heart broke for my him….
He had received professional help
He had reached out to the people he believed would support him
In his own way he was letting them know that he was struggling mentally
Except, the people he chose to reach out to, didn’t recognise what he needed
They were in fact the selfish ones
The ones who tell people to “get over themselves”
The ones to consumed with themselves,  that they couldn’t see what was right in front of them
They didn’t see it….
So, he did what he thought was the best thing to do….
You see, something that big
Something that life changing, that massive;  would not have been a decision he made lightly
Being in his shoes
Knowing where is mind must’ve been
Understanding the enormity of what he was leaving
The hearts he would be breaking
Takes fucking courage
I am, by no means glorifying suicide!
But, I AM DONE with narrow minded people calling people who have taken their own life, or attempted to end their life selfish
Or cowards
Stop with the name calling! Stop with the judgement!
And those that do; clearly have not a clue ….
If they knew mental illness
If they had faced their own mind, where it can take you and the inner turmoil it can cause
They wouldn’t name call
Our bodies are designed for natural instinct to kick in
We are in fact designed to WANT to survive
It’s instinctive
So ending our own life goes against EVERYTHING our human self and natural instincts tell us
When you are in that negative head space, that is so consuming
You genuinely believe that you are doing the most selfless act
You genuinely feel that by removing yourself permanently; will make others lives better
You honestly believe that your very existence is a thorn in most sides and people won’t miss you anyway
THIS IS WHY ITS AN ILLNESS!

I too, do not know of a single person who ended their own life, and presented themselves as “depressed” to society
BECAUSE YOU DON’T….
You are ashamed of how you feel
You are worried about what people will think and say if they really knew your inner most thoughts and feelings
You present yourself as happy
Because you learn very quickly how to fake happiness
It doesn’t matter what you are, or have experienced in life, or how you are feeling
You get up, put on your “mask” show people you have your shit together, how happy you are
When in fact, it’s usually the opposite
So
No, it’s not selfish
No, it’s not being a coward
To the person suffering with the illness, its the total opposite

So, BE KIND ♡

Good, loving, beautifully spirited people are taking their lives daily
1 in 8 to be precise!
Words hurt
Actions hurt
Check yourself
If you can not be kind
If you can not be positive and uplifting, or  just plain nice
Please say nothing
Because
” everyone you meet is fighting a battle, you know nothing about….”

Main point here; BE A NICE FUCKING HUMAN!

And Bjay… I know you are resting peacefully 🕊🤍
I saw you
I see you
I love you
Until we meet again….
~Trene x
🌙🦉🐺
Oh… and please; check in on your “happy” friends
Chances are they are the ones needing it the most
Happy Friday 💫🕊

#mentalhealthawareness #suicideprevention #bekind #belove #raiseyourvibe #love
#bethebestversionofyou

Feels…

Hey there!


I literally just want to share what I am currently feeling ♡


A positive outlook on life for me, has always been my go to…as a little girl I could generally be found in “my own little world” where everything was happy + loving + peaceful all of the time…. a place to escape the reality of whatever was going on at home….
As I got older I managed to successfully question the “authority figures” in my life… I spoke my truth even when it made others question their own… I spoke up when I felt or saw an injustice….until I didn’t. Eventually it was kinda drummed into me that life was what it was, and that the place I was seeking; didn’t exist….so then I literally escaped , I ran away, I moved out, I went back, I moved out …. I guess I was searching for that same feeling of safety or contentment or love or whatever the fuck it was I used to escape to when I was younger….
Fast forward to now (or actually to when Jack entered my little world)….I “remembered”; the place I was seeking is always with me…. and feeling ALL the feels associated with me (all of us) being spiritual beings having human experiences, is a requirement of the whole earthly journey….
We need to experience all of the feels….the good, the bad, the sad, the totally WTF feels…all of it….so that we remember; we remember to turn inwards…to look within ♡
For when we stop searching + start listening to our inner compass + focus within, we all have our “own little world” …
And it lives within our hearts…
So be positive, yes… but allow yourself to feel ALL the feels 💫 that is where expansion + growth + love + acceptance can truly be found.
And, if you know me at all; you know I feel everything… #empathlife

Until next time, take care of you

Trene x

Let me reintroduce myself ♡

Firstly; I genuinely hope everyone who is reading this post is keeping well, strong and healthy ♡
Secondly; When I say I’m sending you all healing energy and bucket loads of love; I am ♡💫
With all the talk in the world at the moment around COVID-19, it would be easy for me to write this post solely on that, and everything else associated with it…so I’m NOT!
Anyone who knows me personally, knows my stance on all things COVID-19… I’ll leave that, at that.
Which brings me to this; let me introduce/ reintroduce myself…


Hey there
I’m Katrina… commonly known as Trene, Trina, Treenie, and/or Shortty
Over the past 12 months or so I have grown, I have changed, and I have evolved. AND SO CAN YOU!
Right now, in this moment, I am focusing more on me and my boys.
I’ve learned to turn my own fierceness in my heart down without drowning out my passion….not to be so reactive
I’ve learned to sllloooowwwwlllyy let people back into heart…I don’t always have to be so brave that people can not reach me
I’ve learned to switch off my stubbor-ness, so my mind is wide open to any, and all possibilities
I’m embracing discomfort…with discomfort comes expansion, growth and healing 💫
I call myself out on all my mistakes…
I take ownership of my thoughts, my feelings and my words…
I rejoice at spending time with genuine people, like minded people, people who see me for who I am….
I commit to rituals that make my heart sing…meditation, yoga, journaling, moon rituals, reiki, tarot and moving my body through all forms of physical exercise…
I’ve also learned to disconnect from those who emotionally, physically and energetically drain me; and that is ok 🙏🏼
With the boys being older; they are no longer “kids”, they no longer rely on me as much as they once did. My relationship with each of them has also grown and evolved.
Now its more about guidance, letting go, and allowing each of them to continue to grow into amazing men.
They all have hearts that are both kind, yet fierce…
Souls that are caring, yet brave…
Minds that are open, yet strong…
They continue to crack open my heart each time they grow, they learn and they evolve… just knowing that I have played a part in that; swells my heart with love, pride and gratitude 🙏🏼
All 3 of them unknowingly push me each day to step up. To speak up. To be true to myself. To walk my talk. To be the best version of me…
And that version of me, is constantly growing and evolving…


Until next time; take care of you
Trene x

Actions over Words…oh, and just be kind ♡

Hey there!

So, it’s been a while…

Relationships lost.

New friendships formed.

Some past friendships strained.

Good friendships became stronger.

Lessons have been learnt.

But realistically….life has happened.

I made a decision on New Year and as a part of each New Moon, that I would intentionally lead from my heart… I would allow myself to be open to whatever came my way and I would finally open my heart to new possibilities….

I clearly needed to be more specific because all this has done, is open myself up to hurt. But that’s ok…lessons have been learnt!

If I had a dollar for every post I saw on social media regarding mental health, and people sharing posts about staying up all night to talk to others so the person struggling felt valued, I’d have a few hundred dollars in my pocket so far this year alone. And this is awesome! We need to bring mental illness or mental wellness, as I prefer to call it, to the fore front. People need to know that it’s ok to talk about their mental health. They will not be judged or shamed, but supported and loved.

But where are those people? The people sharing the posts, I mean.

I mean, I know who they are. I see the posts they share… but, I also know for a FACT, that out of just my Facebook “friend” list alone; I could/can/ have actually done so, counted on one hand who have been there for me.

And those few of you that have been, and still are, you know who you are…..

THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU ♡♡♡

There is some truth to the quotes floating around regarding those who smile the most; are often the ones that may need to be checked in on…. Not everyone shares their lows and setbacks as a Facebook status…. Not everyone will openly share, unless prompted, the shitty moments that life throws their way…. Or they simply don’t know who they can open up to due to past experiences and insecurities.

Just this past weekend; I was right back mentally where I have not been for the longest time…. and I survived. I have learned to rely on myself. And I have finally accepted that it is ok to rely on and reach out to others….again, you know who you are

THANKYOU !!

But people assume. They make assumptions based on their on perception….

Over my lifetime; I have been name called, I have been wrongly accused, I have been cheated on, I have been misunderstood, abused, shamed, blamed and disrespected….

And still I see; no I deliberately search for, the good, that same light I know and see within myself…. in others.

And still, I am that person who hears a friend needs support, or has received bad news, or I simply get a feeling that something is off…. I show up… regardless of my own troubles….regardless of my own journey.

I am learning that not everyone has a heart like mine…. not everyone is capable of seeing the light in others….not everyone means what they say….and not everyone’s actions match the words they speak….

And still, I search for the good and that same light in them….

People who know me will read this and message me… people will read this and not message me (probably just talk about me) …people will read this and think it’s all about them….

It’s not!

I write for me.

I journal for me.

I share my thoughts, my feelings, my truths, for me.

It all helps me.

And if by chance, I happen to help someone else in some small way by me sharing me… that is fanfuckingtastic!

In saying all of the above; mental illness, suicide, depression, grief, anxiety, this stupid corona virus; life is happening, and there are moments where we all struggle from time to time…. if you see me sharing a post about mental illness….I have lived it….I can relate….

And I mean it when I say I AM HERE for support ♡ you actually CAN message me and say you need a friend or a friendly ear, and I WILL be there. I may not have the perfect words, shit…I might not have any words, but I will have a loving heart, a caring soul and a comforting hug if nothing else…

So, instead of judging each other.

Instead of making assumptions.

Instead of being too busy or disinterested to align your actions with your words…

please be kind. That’s all ♡

Until next time; take care of you…

Love,

Trene x

2019… thanks for the lessons ♥︎

Hey there!

Firstly; HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Secondly; well done on surviving 2019. Is it just me? But OMG what a year it was!

In saying that, I am so full of gratitude for what the past year bought, and taught me.

2019 in a nutshell, was all about loss, strength, reflection and gratitude for me.

The loss of relationships. Gratitude for the ones I didn’t lose. Thankful for the new ones I have made. Blessed for all of it!

Discovering the strength I always knew I had in me, but never was quite game to use.

The ability to delve deep into all past and present versions of myself, and events that had led me to where I was in 2019, and reflect….truly, deeply and honestly reflect. Clearly is see it all for what it was. Clearly understand the why’s around how I got to where I was in my life. Acknowledge and own it all for what it taught me. Allow the feelings attached to it all engulf me. Sit and meditate with each feeling, and then with a grateful heart and spirit, give thanks for it all and respectfully release it.

Everything that I had grown through not only in the past year but also throughout my life, had bought me to the here and now. Each event, each milestone, each heartache, each love-filled moment, all helped shape and mould me into the current version of me.
And for that; I am grateful!

I have learned and discovered things about myself that I “knew” existed inside me, but I kept submissive.

I have looked one of my greatest fears directly in the eye and silently declared….” bring it”.

I have taken the time to tap into my heart. Listen to what it had to say, and then surrendered to following it.

I have a clearer ability to trust my gut and intuition, question my ego (head), follow my heart, for it is the heart that knows best….
And lovingly trust the Universe like a child trusts their parent; that all be divinely how it is meant to be.

So, here is to 2020! What a year I know it’s going to be.

Wishing everyone abundant love, good health, happiness and peace always ♥︎

“don’t hide from heartbreak
for it will show you more truth than a thousand days
live in it, soak in it
and let it evolve you
into your next and greater form”
~ATTICUS

Until next time; take care of you

Trene x

It’s not always love and light…

Hey there!

Ok… so today is/was “R U Ok day”

A day where we as a collective remember the importance of checking in with each other… a day where we share posts about mental health and help assist in bringing to forefront the importance of recognising all aspects of mental health; from anxiety right through to suicidal thoughts…. this is a day where we remember that just because you can’t “see” mental illness, it is very much present in today’s society.

Unfortunately, even though we have this national day of recognition, there are people among us that still will not understand what it’s like to live with a mental illness….

Because you don’t always look sad, or depressed….

But this is when you need to look longer at someone….take the time to “listen” when they speak, not so you can reply, but so you can hear what they are not saying….

You see, the people that mental illness affects the most, are usually the ones wearing the biggest smiles. We are the ones so used to not being heard that we learn to wear a mask… we are so used to being misunderstood that whenever anyone asks how we are; we are always “fine” ….everything is always “all good” …and if we run around after everyone else, we don’t have time to slow down to think about anything…. until you do!

Until you have to confront your own mind. You have to put on your big girl pants and just show the fuck up for yourself… Until you have to meet your own mind head-on and demand your own worthiness….

And that, even though it is emotionally draining, physically tiring and spiritually demanding….that is where you realise your value, your true strengths and how you must experience the darkness to truly love and live in the light ✨

So yes, acknowledge “R U OK DAY” but remember that for some, every day is “R U Ok day”…..

And yes….for any of you who know me, and know my own mental illness struggles;

I am finally OK ✨❤️

I will continue to share my darker, sometimes negative aspect of myself….because I no longer wear a mask…

I’m forever grateful for my own experiences in the darkness….they taught me that I’m better than that, and as much as I thought I was not loveable or worthy; I now know I am ❤️

And so are you!

So be magnificent. be happy. be love. and always be your true authentic self.

And if you ever want to talk to someone who may just happen to understand….

I’m always available.

So……”R U Ok?”

Until next time, take care of you

Trene x

Rejection equals Redirection

Hey there!

So over the past few weeks, I have consciously been putting into practice all of the values, practices and mantras that I hold dear to my heart.

During this time I’m sure the Universe/God/ Spirit [insert what is applicable for you] has decided to test my faith, in not only my belief in my faith, but also my belief in myself; presenting me with challenges that I used to once go into panic over. The panic would turn to anxiety, the anxiety would result in a full blown panic attack, and I’d end up emotionally and mentally exhausted (usually for days), questioning my worthiness, and consumed with self doubt, border-lining self hate….

Not this time!

This time, I know my worth.

This time, I know my strengths.

This time, I trust my faith.

This time, I trust the process.

This time, I get to put into practice EVERYTHING I have grown through over my time on this beautiful planet.

I no longer hear the words and name calling echoing in my mind from the past.

I no longer look for outside reassurance.

I no longer wait to be “given permission” from others to express my myself.

I breathe…

I align…

I remember who I was before my past environments and society decided differently….

I honour and acknowledge the girl I was and the woman of my past.

I trust the woman I am today and honour her for all she has experienced, all she has witnessed, and all she is yet to evolve into…

I look the challenges presented to me in the eye…

I acknowledge them…

I feel them…

And I love hard through them…

I have learned that it’s natural and only human to feel ALL emotion.

It’s ok to feel both negative and positive emotion.

Without the negative.

Without the fear.

Without the hurt.

I would not get to experience and appreciate gratitude, positivity and love (both self love and for others) in the enormity that I do!

So, here’s to the challenges! And teaching me that “blocks”, negativity and rejection of any description, is merely leading to redirection.

And for that, I am thankful!

Until next time,

Trene x

Memories…

Hey there!

Oh. My. God, its April already!

I’m not entirely sure where this year has gone, but it feels like it is flying by…

So, my “baby” has just turned 15!
Where did that time go? It only feels like yesterday that we filled our days around Thomas the Tank Engine, running the older boys around, and aiming for a 7:30pm bedtime. Now, I spend my time running him around, watching any, and every football game that is televised, and insisting he’s in bed and lights out by 10 at the latest!

I love celebrating my boys birthdays. For me, I use this time as a time of reflection. Reflecting on how each of them has grown and matured. Remembering when times were a little simpler. Reliving the memories that are etched in my heart from the past….

One of and the most recent memory I have with my youngest is the time we spent in England last Sept/Oct.
Harry was never sure about sport when he was younger. He had one brother who loved and played rugby league, and another who loved and played football (soccer). Harry spent his time shuttled between both sports every day due to training and games for both brothers.
He tried rugby league when in U6s; decided that wasn’t for him. Then at age 11, decided because he spent more time than not at a football field, due to his brother doing so well at the sport, he may as well sign up and play himself. So began my new routine of “eat, sleep, football, repeat”…. Between Harry and his brother, I pretty much lived and breathed football, and could be (still can be)found at a football ground.

Fast forward to last September; Harry at 14 is now playing at NPL level, just completed his 2nd consecutive Australian National West Ham United camp, and he and I were preparing to fly (along with his team) to England for him to participate in a camp over there.
To be totally honest, I’m not sure who got more from the experience; Harry gaining confidence, and having the pleasure of being coached by, and learning from some fantastic and elite coaches, as well as pushing himself to be competitive against some tough and well-drilled academy teams. Or me, having the pleasure of witnessing him grow, develop and totally flourish in an environment that he clearly feels so at ease in….

We attended some great games while there. We saw Harry’s beloved Manchester City play at Etihad Stadium. We had stadium tours of the likes of Wembley Stadium. Harry made new friends and developed a deeper knowledge, understanding, and skills of the sport he feels so passionate about. And I, well I got to feel my heart swell with pride. I got to witness this whole experience through Harry’s eyes. I had the opportunity to have one on one time with Harry that I hadn’t had before. And, etch more memories into my heart….
As this week wraps up and his birthday has come and gone for another year, I still reflect. Not just on my memories of Harry, but also of his older brothers. After being told that I may possibly never successfully carry a baby to term. After losing twin girls at 22 weeks gestation in between Harry and his older brother (I will share that another time); I am reflecting and giving thanks for the 3 miraculous gifts that I have been so graciously blessed with.

My boys are my biggest teachers, but also my biggest and by far, my best achievements!

So, happy birthday, to my not so little April fool. Can’t wait to see what the next year brings for you!

And, until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

 

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