…growth, evolve and evaluate…

Hey there,

Is it just me, or is this year absolutely flying?!?

With this month being my birthday month, I have taken the time, and the space to reflect and evaluate my life up to this point.

Over the last few years, I have learned to like who I am. I’m a continual work in progress, striving to grow and evolve as a person and to embrace any opportunity that may come my way. In order to do these things, things had to get uncomfortable. And I needed to step outside of my comfort zone…

All of my life I have been a people pleaser.

I embraced the ” I aim to please” approach within all aspects of my life. Making others lives run smoothly, whether I wanted to or not, was what I did.

Now, I genuinely love supporting the people that I hold dear to me, but I have learned that I don’t have to lose sight of myself in doing so.

It’s taken a long while, but I’m finally at a place where I know what I will, and will not accept from others any more.

Learning to say no to situations and people have been the hardest thing I’ve had to rewire myself to do. At the same time, it’s also been surprisingly liberating!

This has presented “problems” along the way; feedback that I have changed. No, I’ve not “changed”. I’ve always been who I am; this means that I’ve learned…. learned that it’s ok to think of myself.

If something isn’t resonating with me, it’s ok to walk away from it.

It’s ok to choose who I allow into my space.

It’s ok to no longer tolerate disrespect from others.

I am also learning that how I am treated by others isn’t necessarily about me….

I didn’t start this year with a ”new year, new me” attitude. My approach to this year has been all about self-growth. Expanding on the me I’ve always been.

If that meant I’ve made others uncomfortable; that’s on them.

I’ve cleaned up the energy that I accept into my space.

I’m freely expressing all aspects and dimensions of who I am. I no longer want to “hide” behind an image of how I “should” look or behave. As much as there is still (unfortunately)a stigma attached to mental illness; I’m open to sharing my past mental health issues. I’m now open to address how I embrace mental wellness. And surprisingly, this too makes others uncomfortable.

This is on them, not me. How others feel about me, is their business, not mine. And that’s ok!

What is my business is, that I’m no longer a people pleaser; it’s detrimental to my own wellbeing.

As my birthday month comes to a close, I am thankful and full of gratitude to all of the events that have to lead me to the here and now. I am who I am because of those events. Those events and people have all played their part in shaping, moulding and encouraging me to be unapologetically me.

I encourage you to do the same.

Step into your truth.

Embrace who you are.

And if that upsets anyone; well that’s on them!

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

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Rejection equals Redirection

Hey there!

So over the past few weeks, I have consciously been putting into practice all of the values, practices and mantras that I hold dear to my heart.

During this time I’m sure the Universe/God/ Spirit [insert what is applicable for you] has decided to test my faith, in not only my belief in my faith, but also my belief in myself; presenting me with challenges that I used to once go into panic over. The panic would turn to anxiety, the anxiety would result in a full blown panic attack, and I’d end up emotionally and mentally exhausted (usually for days), questioning my worthiness, and consumed with self doubt, border-lining self hate….

Not this time!

This time, I know my worth.

This time, I know my strengths.

This time, I trust my faith.

This time, I trust the process.

This time, I get to put into practice EVERYTHING I have grown through over my time on this beautiful planet.

I no longer hear the words and name calling echoing in my mind from the past.

I no longer look for outside reassurance.

I no longer wait to be “given permission” from others to express my myself.

I breathe…

I align…

I remember who I was before my past environments and society decided differently….

I honour and acknowledge the girl I was and the woman of my past.

I trust the woman I am today and honour her for all she has experienced, all she has witnessed, and all she is yet to evolve into…

I look the challenges presented to me in the eye…

I acknowledge them…

I feel them…

And I love hard through them…

I have learned that it’s natural and only human to feel ALL emotion.

It’s ok to feel both negative and positive emotion.

Without the negative.

Without the fear.

Without the hurt.

I would not get to experience and appreciate gratitude, positivity and love (both self love and for others) in the enormity that I do!

So, here’s to the challenges! And teaching me that “blocks”, negativity and rejection of any description, is merely leading to redirection.

And for that, I am thankful!

Until next time,

Trene x

Memories…

Hey there!

Oh. My. God, its April already!

I’m not entirely sure where this year has gone, but it feels like it is flying by…

So, my “baby” has just turned 15!
Where did that time go? It only feels like yesterday that we filled our days around Thomas the Tank Engine, running the older boys around, and aiming for a 7:30pm bedtime. Now, I spend my time running him around, watching any, and every football game that is televised, and insisting he’s in bed and lights out by 10 at the latest!

I love celebrating my boys birthdays. For me, I use this time as a time of reflection. Reflecting on how each of them has grown and matured. Remembering when times were a little simpler. Reliving the memories that are etched in my heart from the past….

One of and the most recent memory I have with my youngest is the time we spent in England last Sept/Oct.
Harry was never sure about sport when he was younger. He had one brother who loved and played rugby league, and another who loved and played football (soccer). Harry spent his time shuttled between both sports every day due to training and games for both brothers.
He tried rugby league when in U6s; decided that wasn’t for him. Then at age 11, decided because he spent more time than not at a football field, due to his brother doing so well at the sport, he may as well sign up and play himself. So began my new routine of “eat, sleep, football, repeat”…. Between Harry and his brother, I pretty much lived and breathed football, and could be (still can be)found at a football ground.

Fast forward to last September; Harry at 14 is now playing at NPL level, just completed his 2nd consecutive Australian National West Ham United camp, and he and I were preparing to fly (along with his team) to England for him to participate in a camp over there.
To be totally honest, I’m not sure who got more from the experience; Harry gaining confidence, and having the pleasure of being coached by, and learning from some fantastic and elite coaches, as well as pushing himself to be competitive against some tough and well-drilled academy teams. Or me, having the pleasure of witnessing him grow, develop and totally flourish in an environment that he clearly feels so at ease in….

We attended some great games while there. We saw Harry’s beloved Manchester City play at Etihad Stadium. We had stadium tours of the likes of Wembley Stadium. Harry made new friends and developed a deeper knowledge, understanding, and skills of the sport he feels so passionate about. And I, well I got to feel my heart swell with pride. I got to witness this whole experience through Harry’s eyes. I had the opportunity to have one on one time with Harry that I hadn’t had before. And, etch more memories into my heart….
As this week wraps up and his birthday has come and gone for another year, I still reflect. Not just on my memories of Harry, but also of his older brothers. After being told that I may possibly never successfully carry a baby to term. After losing twin girls at 22 weeks gestation in between Harry and his older brother (I will share that another time); I am reflecting and giving thanks for the 3 miraculous gifts that I have been so graciously blessed with.

My boys are my biggest teachers, but also my biggest and by far, my best achievements!

So, happy birthday, to my not so little April fool. Can’t wait to see what the next year brings for you!

And, until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

 

You do you, and I’ll do me….

Hey there,

You may, or may not know that I love to learn. In my efforts to learn, I am implementing daily podcasts into my life. I currently have 3 on the go. They are “Sounds like Bliss”~Tara Bliss. “Dr. Wayne W Dyer podcast”~Dr. Wayne Dyer. And, “On Purpose”~Jay Shetty

On that note I’m going to share this quote;

“I’m not what I think I am, I’m not what you think I am……I am, what I think, you think, I am..”~ Cooly; as cited by Jay Shetty

Think about that. When Jay first referenced it, I literally stopped (I was walking my dog), listened to the quote again, and again…. and then I turned the podcast off….I needed to soak up those words. Allow those words to sit with me. I recall thinking at the time, that truer words I had not heard! So many of us live our lives in a way that is not aligned with our spirit. We tend to live the life that others would like us to lead. Worrying about things that will probably never happen. Trying to live up to others expectations. When in reality, those expectations are the expectations that we think others have….as someone who has suffered from mental illness (yep, finally said it!), these words felt like I was given permission to truly be me.

When I sit and imperfectly write my blog, I am showing you….me. 

I always write from a place of feeling and honesty. Sometimes I write a whole post with tears streaming down my face. Some posts are written straight after I have had an amazing meditation session and I am keen to share my “ah-ha moments”. Some of them are quickly scribbled on whatever I can find in my car, in between football training when the feeling occurs. But, all of them are written from an open, honest and loving heart.

Also, while I’m sharing…… I wrote a mini ebook. My first “published” ebook!

Is it perfect? No.

Is it an in-depth novel? No.

Is it a bit dodgy? Probably, there are definitely things I can (and will on my next one) improve on. 

Is it all my own work? Yes, using references from reputable sources, and my own knowledge.

Why? For the same reasons I write a blog; I want to share my knowledge and experiences with others.

Maybe, just like the blog posts, if by me sharing a little of myself can help just one person.  If my imperfect writing and knowledge touch just one person, and then that one person takes something positive away from my experiences, then me putting myself “out there”, with an open heart, is worth any judgment that may come my way.

Realistically, over time I have been my own worst enemy and harshest critic. Over the years, I have beat myself up physically, emotionally and mentally. There is very little that anybody could say to me that I have not; 

  • heard before, or 
  • said to myself.

Does that mean it no longer hurts when I hear it? No, it still hurts. 

Does that mean that I have “thick skin” and let everything roll over me? No, I’m a f%#king empath; I feel EVERYTHING! 

What it does mean is that I am hopefully allowing myself to feel, to learn, to grow and evolve and then share with others, in the hope of providing comfort or reassurance for anyone experiencing similar experiences.

If I am to be really honest; me sharing my thoughts, feelings, and life experiences are for me- to help me, kinda understand me.

So; so far this year…. I have sworn and cursed my way through January (yep, I can have a potty mouth). Flew through February. Lost my Nanna early March, and in between, I am making a conscious effort to “show up” as a dōTERRA Wellness Advocate, and taking a whole new approach to sharing the beautiful and magickal (no not a spelling error, I am deliberately spelling it that way) dōTERRA essential oils. AND, I have made the decision to team up with Herbalife Nutrition as a Herbalife promotor and distributor.

Doing me, in a way that feels aligned with my core values and beliefs. Watch this space…… 

In the meantime, if you get a chance, blast some Jay Shetty, Wayne Dyer or Tara Bliss into your eardrums; you won’t regret it!

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

IMG for March blog

 

for all things dōTERRA and/or Herbalife please contact me privately and I will get back to you ASAP

 

Good riddance January….

Hey there!

And, just like that we are already in February.

January was a big one for me. I recall reading social media posts in the lead up to new years eve 2018. So many people could not wait to see the back of 2018;  I on the other hand, am feeling like that regarding January 2019! Adios January… good riddance… bugger the f@$k off! 

Physically, I am feeling the fittest, healthiest and emotionally strongest I have been in a while. Energetically, and spiritually; the tiredest I have been in what feels like years. 

As a part of my full moon releasment ritual on the last full moon of 2018, I made the decision to be open to anything that no longer served my higher good, to fall away….. if something or someone no longer bought me joy, or if I found myself not whole heartily turning up and coming from a place of love and kindness in every area of my life;  to be open to letting whatever that maybe, go….

The bar has been raised. It sorta feels like the Universe set me a challenge, a challenge that I accepted. So, I have mentally and energetically made the conscious decision to “rise my vibration”, and it’s HARD!  Not the raising my vibe bit; the keeping it there bit! What I will, and will not tolerate bit. The who I will, and will not surround myself with bit. Who I openly give my time and energy to bit. I’m not gonna lie, there are days where I feel like I’m directing my energy in the right direction, only for the universe to yell; “PLOT TWIST!”

I have so much gratitude for what 2018 taught me. The mistakes I made. The lessons I learned. And, the connections I had made (both positive and negative). 2018 was the year I remembered……I remembered not necessarily who I was, but possibly more importantly, who I was NOT! It was the year that I finally embraced my own worth. It was the year that transformed me from the feeling of unworthiness, to waking up to the possibility of finally feeling worthy….. and it felt good! There were highs and lows, there were tears of sadness and of joy, but overall it felt good. 

January on the other hand…..

I guess, if I’m being totally honest; with claiming back my worth, also raises questions, and brings up feelings of doubt. Doubting myself in the roles I play in other’s lives. How will me being happy, affect those around me? How do I balance my own desire of worthiness and happiness whilst also making others happy, and meeting their needs? AND, why when we do put our own happiness first, this manages to offend/upset others? But at the same time be open and understanding to their needs…

I have no doubt that by the way 2019 started; it’s definitely going to be a big year! I can not wait to experience what is yet to come my way.

“do everything with so much love in your heart, that you would never do it any other way….be open to whatever no longer serves you, to lovingly fall away”

January I’m sure, well I hope, has been my “just checkin’ “ month. Just making sure that I’m still up for the challenge. Still good on my word. Still, despite what comes my way; I remain true to myself and keep vibin’ high. 

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

Happy New Year…..

Hey there, 

It’s nearly here. The new year.

As 2018 draws to a close I will spend time reflecting, journaling and setting my intentions for the new year. 

Looking through social media in the lead up to today; I have seen and read many posts on “new year, new me” and how “I can’t wait to see the back of 2018”. For me; this isn’t true. 

Like most, I have had my fair share of highs and lows. I’ve lost friends. I’ve seen heartbreak and witnessed overwhelming joy.  For for all of these experiences I am grateful. Without the lows, the highs may not of been so deliriously delightful. Without losing friends, I may of not had the space for the amazing, positive people I have connected with.  Without experiencing heart break and pain, I may not of been so open and willing to share, grow and expand my heart to not only give; but also receive love, kindness and friendship.

I will not be going into 2019 with a “new year, new me” mantra.  My mindset going forward in the new year is “I am me; I am who I am, and I am continuing to do me”. I am taking my experiences from this past year and what I’ve learned, and moving forward with a full heart.  A heart full of gratitude and love.  A heart that is not only open wide to whatever may come my way, but also accepting. A heart that is choosing to make decisions that will reflect my hopes, not my fears. A heart willing to continue to expand, but also serve. 

Later tonight when all is quiet, I will reflect through this years memory jar (yes, I keep a memory jar), and make space for 2019 memories, which by the way, I’m so looking forward to. 

2018, thanks for the memories

one of my best memories from 2018

 …..and the lessons. 

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”~Wayne Dyer

Heres to a Happy New Year, and as always; take care of you!

Until next time,

Trene x

Just doing me….

Hey there!

This is for anyone who feels their kindness is mistaken for weakness or stupidity…..

Growing up I was told that “you are nobody special”,  “you are no better than anyone else” and more importantly, “treat others how you would like to be treated” -thanks mother.

As much as the woman who spoke those words, and I, no longer have a relationship, her words still ring loud in my mind. You see, despite everything that has happened between her and I; I believe those words are some what, if not totally, true!

I am not special. I am not “better” than anyone else. It’s taken me a while, but I now also know, that I am NOT less than anyone else either. We are all equal, and we should all try daily, to treat others in a manner that we would like to be treated. 

Each of us have the ability and the choice to live, and be, the best version of ourselves; unfortunately not everyone shares my views. 

I believe that 

  • we are all special to “someone”
  • we are all deserving of equality and a good life
  • we should practice kindness and be mindful to all, always

This is what I am struggling with. I feel I am an open book. What you see is what you get. I feel that I am, in general, a “glass half full” type of person. But most importantly, I am genuinely happy to lend a hand to others, or/and be a supportive friend, or just do my job to the best of my ability; now this may shock some……but, it’s for no other reason other than wanting to do something nice, and be the best version of me, that I can be! There is NO ulterior motive. There is NO  “real” reason for me doing what I do. It’s NOT because I’m wanting anything in return. Shock horror! 

What I’ve learned, is that me simply doing me. Me genuinely doing something for others from a place of love, clearly bothers some people. What I’ve also learnt is that, this is their problem, not mine. If simply being a good natured person, is triggering emotion within others that they are uncomfortable with, or prompts them to behave and speak about people in a negative way, then that is something they need to work on. 

I certainly always try to be considerate and fair. I will always choose to be kind, and to choose love over hate. This does NOT make me weak. This does NOT make me stupid. I’m not gonna lie; it does make me angry, it does makes me sad, it prompts me to self reflect and assess, but it also makes me strong and determined.

Determination to be strong emotionally. Strong mentally. Determination to stand strong in my morals; something I will not compromise on. And most importantly, determined to be kind to myself. To put my health and wellbeing, for not only me, but also my family first and foremost, whilst holding strong in my faith. Faith in my intuition, God/Universe, when I’m searching for the strength, in knowing when to walk away….

We are all equal. We are all special. We are all capable of giving understanding, love and kindness; some unfortunately, simply choose not to. 

And if you are strong enough to be a kind hearted person; please know that it certainly is not stupidity, or a weakness ❤️

It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even – or rather, especially – when we’d prefer not to be.  ~Josh Radnor

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

No Regrets….

Hey there!

Well we are in; the house I mean. There is still LOADS to do, which meant for the first week of us living there, my alarm clock was tradies; tradies STILL working on the house, but we are here. 

At the moment I’m kinda comparing house building to pregnancy and birth. At first, you are unsure because whether you have just discovered you are growing another human being, will be birthing, and then responsible for that little human being for the rest of your days, or are buying or building your home; it’s a big financial commitment. Then excitement sets in. Ideas start to flow about the design and what your home will look like. You meet with the architect to go over drawings and the design brief (similar to looking at your baby’s first ultra sound and making sure that every is how it should be), meet with the trades who will ultimately be the ones you’re entrusting to follow the plans, to deliver you your home within the estimated time frame allowed. You move in, fuss and cluck (nest), then sit back and take the time to admire your new surroundings. Just like labour and birth, all of the emotions that you felt during the whole process begin to feel like a very distant memory. You look around at what you’ve achieved and can see that it was all worth it. Until of course your husband says…….

 “we should build another one!”

 Ummmm, NO! See the comparison? Just like pregnancy and childbirth!

Anyway, life is slowly returning to a more mellow, relaxed state. I’ve stopped heading to our old address whenever I leave the house, and my mind has recalibrated my internal compass to our new home. The kids have settled; son number one moved out with some mates, then work took him to Brisbane, so to make life financially easier; he has just now moved home. Son number two is working, enjoying life as a young adult, and playing the sport he loves (football). The baby of the family, and now also officially the tallest, is (besides enjoying school life) having a fantastic football season and looking forward to heading to London in Sept/Oct to play, train and further develop his football skills. 

Oh and also, son number one is just about to turn 21! When did that happen? It only feels like yesterday that I was experiencing the uncertainty I mentioned earlier; when you discover you are going to be a parent….. next minute you blink, turn around once and he’s turning 21! 

Just the other night, Craig and I were reflecting; as much as my life path has been bumpy, and at some points just a downward spiral; I have no regrets. Every little moment and encounter has led me to the here and now. Each event, despite how it made me feel at the time, has moulded and shaped me in to the person I am today. And all of those bumps, spirals, twists and turns on my journey lead me to Craig, and because of him……we now are five. 

Regrets, definitely not; blessings in disguise I like to think ♥︎  

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Until next, take care of you 

Trene x

Surrender and trust…..

Hey there!

So, we are currently building ourselves a new home…..

“Build a house”, they said.

“It will be fun”, they said.

“I know people who owe us favours”, he said.

Well, I’m going to be brutally honest here. It hasn’t been all fun, smiles, sunshine and laughter. It has rained for nearly the whole build process. There were days, and I mean days, of simply shoveling red mud. Plans have been changed (mainly because they weren’t drawn correctly to start with). Lazy tradies, or no tradies. And because we are building on a sloping block, the logistics of simply getting materials to site and then up to the right level, has been nothing short of hard work; either by negotiating the delivery people getting the materials where they need to be, or us just simply pumping up our muscles and physically moving them ourselves. It has been, and still is hard work; physically, emotionally and mentally.

I actually thought that because our marriage had survived heart wrenching, punch in gut, sit me on my arse lows; building a house would be a marriage walk in the park…….

UMMMM, NO……F*%#KING WRONG!!!!

High school sweethearts. Together since 16; 27 years in fact, and married for 22 of those this coming August. Together, I thought that we had been through, and seen it all regarding marriage; how wrong was I ???

I mean, I’m not trying to be a “negative Nancy” or anything, but this whole process (and believe me, it ain’ t over yet) has been one of the most emotion fuelled, rollercoaster of an event, that I have endured.

Theres been shouting, object throwing, swearing, threats made, loads of tears, and……. oh wait- that’s just from me! Poor Craig….he really has had, and continues to have, the patience of a saint through out this whole experience. All of my “everything will happen when its meant to happen” mantra packed up, waved bon voyage (probs flipped me the bird as well) and is currently on vacay, in some unknown holiday destination.

Me, being me, has been looking at this from a teaching view-point. What am I supposed to learn from this? How can I grow through this? What came back to me was; surrender, trust, patience and acceptance.

Surrender ALL of my fears surrounding this experience to the Universe.

Accept what I have no control over.

Practice patience. Have patience for the whole process; with not only others, but also myself.

Trust in the process, that it will all work out.

Trust that we will be in the house when the timing is right.

And most importantly……

Trust in my love for Craig, and the commitment we have each made to our relationship. We CAN do this. We DO have this.  The Universe DOES have our back!

“……when you think you have surrendered, surrender more.”

~Gabrielle Bernstein; The Universe Has Your Back.

Until next time, take care of you.

Trene x

 

 

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